The Kakak-Kakak Tunang/Kahwin Clan Part 1.

Disclaimer: Actually there is none because this is going to offend 97% people I know who are currently or already in the ‘Kakak-kakak Tunang/Kahwin Clan’. Sorry, I am not sorry at all. This does not apply to families with only one child or to the oldest child in the family because I understand the excitement that comes with it.

Today’s Malay Society makes it hard for young couples to get engaged and married because it is ridiculously expensive. Like as if it isn't expensive enough to survive in Singapore itself, declaring my love also costs? Well, you're not going to fool me wedding-people! (Not now though, so don’t get overly excited!)

The Modern Malay Engagement.

I have always thought that engagement is a waste of money. For one, it is NOT mandatory in our religion as Muslims. One of my early 20s life crisis was finding someone with husband/father material who sees life the way I do. (And I did, haha.) One of it is to see that engagement is just little bonuses to the wedding companies who are sucking young couples’ money dry. Let alone ‘The Modern Malay Engagement’.

First, ask this, “What is the purpose of an engagement?”

•           To ‘chope’ your person
•           To bring your commitment level a notch higher
•           A reason to start planning your wedding
•           An excuse to have a ring
•           To show off
•           Pleasant in the eyes of families

For me (if I ever have to do one), the sole reason has to be because of family. I understand that my parents and potential in-laws are conservative (to a small extent). It is always nice to go to family events and introduce your kid’s partner as fiancé/fiancée rather than friend/girlfriend/boyfriend.

///Side track: My family has always referred Baobei as “Atie nyer kawan/boyfriend,” while Baobei’s family has always referred me as “Nizam nyer kawan.” I think there was once at a wedding his dad said, “Bakal.” (Insert a big smug face)

I thought an excuse to have a ring has always been a nice touch but I am not big on diamonds and don’t really care much for how many carats it is. It can be a carrot, and I don’t give a flying saucer pan.

///Side track again: Currently on my ring finger is the diamond ring my late brother in law gave my sister on their wedding day. As my sister recently remarried her LOHL (love of her life), the old wedding ring no longer sits on her ring finger. I loved and miss my late brother in law all the time, so I like the reminder of a good man he was with me wherever I go. (A little secret: It makes me feel safe like I have an angel of my own.)

If your insecurity makes you feel the need to reserve someone, please have a look at your relationship again. If you need an engagement to bring your commitment level one level higher, please have a look at your relationship again. Your loyalty and level of commitment should remain the same, high and up there, the moment you both decided to date each other exclusively. If you need a reason to start planning your big day, WHY HAVEN’T YOU ALREADY? (I planned my ideal one since I decided I want to settle down. That was like 2012 though I very naughty haha.) If you feel the need to flaunt the engagement status, you seriously need to grow the hell up. (I couldn’t bring myself to write the F word.)

Now to The Modern Malay Engagement.

What I find it bloody ridiculous is the extent of a small significant event turned to like a mini-wedding. I cannot emphasize how ridiculous Malays can be. It is VERY embarrassing because my friends/colleagues who aren’t Malay always ask me if our engagement is like ROM (Registry of Marriage) which is FAR from it. I find it my responsibility to clear the air and mess created by Malays who go to such extends for just an engagement. Yes, just.

Let’s list out possible symptoms of The Modern Malay Engagement

• You have a guest list completed with invitation cards. I don’t really have an issue but this is just like a wedding. Of course, you can argue back and say that you want to celebrate a milestone in your life/relationship with your loved ones. But there’s a limit to everything. Invitation cards are not necessary. Personally a nice touch will be inviting by mouth and just what'sapp the details. You also don’t have to invite friends. Just the closest of the closest ones. After all, it is just an engagement.
• The event is held at a grand venue like community centre, country club etc. Under the block can still be acceptable because not everyone has huge house that can accommodate your long list of guests. It also gives your house breathing space. But please.
•  Hiring freelance make-up artist to do your hair and make-up is still okay. But you go to extend hiring MUA (make up artists) bridal companies? Hiring photographer/videographer? Renting out clothes from bridal companies? Having a change of clothes? 2 to 3 sets? Doing inai? (Haha this is bloody ridiculous!) Not only do you spend so much on a small significant event, you are also taking out the fun on your actual wedding day.
• You have a (freaking!!!) pelamin. Now, please explain the significant of this.
• You do a photo shoot. Again, just taking out the fun of your wedding day.

If I ever have The Engagement (not I remove the words 'Modern' and 'Malay'), I am not going to torture myself and sit at the chair for a couple of hours, waiting for people to take pictures with me. The only time I am going to sit my ass down and take pictures is when the sarung cincin (putting on the ring by the mother/sister of the boy’s side) and a couple of shots of my family and closest of the closest friends that I invite which I can count with my fingers. This is not my wedding day, so please don’t make me go through it twice okay? I even ask Kakak if on my sanding day the hours be shorten. What if I become bored or sleepy? Or my facial muscles stop working? Don't take away the fun of your actual day! Why would you want to do that?!

Make it small and significant.

“Jangan hebohkan apa yang belum ditentukan.*” Fiza-O

*Paraphrased

Yes, everyone in the right mind wants one engagement and one wedding in their life. But I have seen how many engagements fall apart. I don’t have to look far because Kakak went through three engagements (one with her late husband, one with a douche and one with her now husband) and Abang went through one engagement. It doesn't mean that an engagement is a sure thing. We can only pray that we are doing the right things all the time. What I am really saying is the money spend on The Modern Malay Engagement can be used to fund your wedding, honeymoon, house etc.

Don’t make it overrated. Some things are just classy when it is small and intimate.

///Side track: With that, Baobei when you going down on one bended knee, and tell me why you love to wake up, and fall asleep next to me every day for the rest of your life, and why I am the best and only fit to be your soulmate and mother of your kids because you know in a heartbeat I would say yes. So don’t ask rhetorical question okay?