What comes after 30 weeks

TBH, this pregnancy journey was something I was not excited about. It was tough and most times at the beginning, I just wanted to give up. At one point of time, I was asking what kind of mother would I be for having thoughts of terminating this pregnancy just because I couldn't deal with vomiting all day, er day. But it was tough. I was the verge of tearing myself apart. I wanted to be pregnant so badly when we got married but I didn't know the price that came with it. I am pretty sure, it was the same for Baobei. How difficult it must have been for him to want to do something for me but he couldn't. How difficult it must have been for my family, especially Mama who tried to cook all sorts of food for me just because I couldn't keep anything down.

Now at 32 weeks, I get a little more excited to see this little angel whom Allah has chosen for me to be her mother. A mother at the age of 25 years old eh? I am truly blessed because it gives me so much love and happiness to know that she is still in me yet she brings so much happiness to my family. I can't imagine when she's out. I can't speak for Baobei, but I know this is a huge change for him. Having met me, he has become someone completely different. He said he used to be someone who lives day by day but being with me, makes him plan for the future. Little did we know that his future is intertwined with mine. I still can't forget the fact that this man was so nervous about our nikah that he couldn't fall asleep until 4am? Heh. Thank you, Ya Allah. Yes, were only married for 2 months before we got the news that we are pregnant but we didn't get the luxury to enjoy traveling and dating as husband and wife. Our blessings came in a different form.

I don't know what is the point of me writing all of these.

Maybe it is a reminder to me that people will continue to judge without knowing what it means to be in my shoes. It is a reminder to me that people can have such black hearts and if they can't get to me, who knows one day they will try with my daughter? Throw insults what kind of mother I am, the parenting I/we do, the way my daughter looks/behaves, at which milestone my daughter should be at. Guess what? If you have not given any hoots in our lives/during this journey with us, your opinion is invalid. I could not care less if you are 13, 30 or 50. I will take advice with a pinch of salt but at the end of the day, I am the mother. I have the last say. You want to do some parenting? Start with someone who gives a hoot about your opinion.

Totally not sorry for protecting of my daughter even before she is born.

Moving on to happier things like our latest check-up with Associate Prof Han. From 28 weeks to 31 weeks, I gained 1kg+ so he didn't make any noise. Hahaha. I have always been curious how heavy RKM is and Prof Han always use his hands to "measure" my tummy and estimate her weight. This check-up, I was determined to know her weight but he did his usual routine and said, "About 1.8-1.9kg." I was "Can we get it checked in detail?" So he send us to the clinic to get a detailed scan. Wahlau he said only 30+SGD but the bill was 66SGD! Going to claim the extra from him next check-up hahaha! But we are super glad that we went for the detailed scan for check her weight... because

WE GOT TO SEE HER FACE!!!

The sonographer was super nice because she was doing her thing, and we had no idea what she was measuring. Although we did see through the scan RKM's heart beating. Masha Allah, I am still amazed at that okay... Until the end when sonographer said, "This is her face. But she's covering her other eye with her hand." AWWWWWWWWH BABY. YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. It was an amazing moment for us. I was so happy we decided to do the detailed scanning. It was very thoughtful of the sonographer to print a picture of us. We didn't manage to do 3D scan but this is just as amazing. Thank you RKM for showing us your face. Heh.

This is to benefit people like Kak Ada who couldn't tell what she was looking at. Hahah, must love my cousins who have been supportive of Lil Raj's updates.

Worth the 66SGD we spend lah. Oh, she is 1.833kg. Moral of the story? Trust an associate professor although he is just using his hands to "measure". Hahaha.

Anyway, my placenta is still low laying. Sigh. However, my water level is high which is good. I am not using the correct terms but you get it eh? RKM is still in breech position which means her head is still up and her legs are down. Which is okay because we are still early. Which also means, she is having fun kicking my bladder. Yes, I can pee and come back to bed and then still have to go toilet again to pee. Very playful this girl.

At 32 weeks, she has learnt how to punch/elbow/high-5 me on the sides. I don't mind because I get to feel her when she does that. So far, her Abi, Ehyang (Mama) and Yayi (Baba) got to feel her. I am putting a video on Facebook (public) if you want to have a look at how smart this little one is.

I thought it was scary now that my appointment with Prof Han is no longer every 4 weeks but 3! But guess what? Now the frequency has moved to 2 weeks so we are meeting him next week. So fast! Soon it will be weekly check-ups.

TBH, I am still sitting on the fence not sure if I want to opt for natural birth or planned c-sect. People say a planned c-sect is "an easy way out" but it is not true. Both have their different pain and healing. I strongly believe it does not make one mother better than another. I am pretty sure a mother who went through both can agree. Both are equally challenging. Both are tearing your bodies apart. Some days I am okay with natural labour. Some days I feel like planned c-sect is a better option. But I have no idea what is "better." So I am putting my hands in Him. If my placenta is still low, then I know I am meant to have a planned c-sect. If not, I will go through labour even if it means cutting and stitching my vagina, then I will do it. I never knew the strength mothers have until I am becoming one myself. In Shaa Allah.

Me at 32 weeks.

It doesn't help that I am wearing black but people keep commenting how "small" I look. Actually, if I were to show you my actual tummy when I am standing, you will not say I am small. Just ask Baobei, Mama or Kakak. Hahaha. But whatever it is, I am thankful that the weight is going to my tummy and RKM. Just the backache is a killer.

Wardrobe bought from IKEA and fixed by Baobei.

We rearranged her clothes follow sizes and styles.

Yes, that is a lot of clothes for a tiny human but she has so many excited people who are already pampering her.

Syukur Alhamdulilah.

All ready at Bishan house.

We shall wait when I start my maternity leave at 35 weeks, we will slowly take out the plastic and start preparing her crib. Heh.

Another update, we are moving in to Bishan house this week. It has been tiring but my family has been amazing with the move. Especially my parents. Their kindness, we cannot repay. They go over to the house almost every day to paint, to wash, to move things. May Allah bless my parents with good health. Thank you Mama (because I know you read my blog).

Can't wait for the move. Probably blog about the house soon. And that entry about how much is too much or little to give for Malay weddings.

Please keep RKM and me in your du'as.

To our princess, anything after 4 weeks 4 days is safe for you to come out okay? Meanwhile, grow healthily. We love you so much!!! Bet you already know that.