The one where Makciks & Dotters speak of the H.

Note: I foresee this as an unpopular opinion for Malay girls/Makciks but I can't be the only one right?

Yet again, I am touching this 'sensitive' topic about Hantaran. For the benefit of those confused souls about the hantaran, here is something I extracted when I was on ROMM website (so you don't pandai pandai cakap that I make up things ah). This the main purpose of the hantaran because quite frankly there are makciks out there who are trying to sell their daughters or their dotters (spelt with such glaring spelling error) who think that hantaran is a form of 'status'.

Hantaran or what is being said in marriage cert is 'marriage expenses'. Not status, not selling price.

HAH! In your face! For some reason, I am not sorry for being rude but gurlll, you need to get your priorities right. Makciks think that hantaran is a platform to show off to the whole community that your anak can provide this amount / your anak is receiving this amount. Like I have emphasized again and again about this hantaran matter, this is NOT even necessary especially when both sides are working and can afford to pay for wedding expenses.

And if you can't tell by now after reading me for so long, I am not the typical Malay bride that you see. I do NOT see hantaran as how capable this man I am marry is going to take care of me. If I did or my parents did, that is very sad because obviously his actions did not show that he could. Before the wedding/settling down talk happened between Baobei and I, I did ask him what is his 5 year plan with regards to his career. Is he planning to stay in service for long? Is he planning to take his bachelors? Is he planning to switch career? If I decide to be a stay home mother (though our country makes it impossible for a single income family to live comfortably), will he be able to provide for me, us and our family? Will he be able to provide for his parents if they decide to not work? THIS is far more important than how much he can provide on our nikah day. I don't see why people associate hantaran and how good of a husband he will be.

I pity our Malay men who worked their asses off just to come up with 10-15k (some 20k hahahais) for hantaran just because the girl side asks for it. Some of these men are only making 1.5k-2k a month, and still try to save for a wedding, which is NOT cheap by the way (have you tried asking quotations? NOT CHEAP!), and then they have to save for your ridiculous hantaran.

It is funny how our culture is. I have this hate-love relationship with it and most times, I find myself on the uglier side of this relationship. It is hard enough living in Singapore, trying to make ends meet. Then they have another burden on their shoulders. Korang perempuan yang tengah sedap duduk diam diam, tak kesiankan ke your husbands-to-be? Yes, it is a different story altogether if this man mampu because his salary allows it or you both have been together for very long and have been saving for this day. But it is different altogether when you both are together less than 2-3 years and tying down the knot in 1-2 years. You think it is easy? Why don't you also save the same amount that you asked as the hantaran, and you see if this is easy to obtain such amount by your wedding day on top of what you need to pay for the wedding. Not as easy as you think right?

I don't understand our makciks and why they do certain things as such. I speak for the male community because I feel that you girls/Makciks are taking advantage of it. 'Market price' my ass. Korang jangan macam faham and make it about 'status'. Money is already a bulk of relationship problems, I won't be surprised many of the Malay couples start their marriage with a huge debt and end with lots of arguments before the huge D. And it is not even the dirty D I would like it to be.

Worst still, I cannot stand girls who compare hantaran among their friends and make it a competition.

Minah to friend: "Yours is how much ah?"  

Friend: "8k." 

*Balik rumah, call boifie.*

Minah to boifie: "Bae, Kawan I nyer hantaran 8k. I nak 9k."

*throws table*

I have also voiced my opinions about extravagant engagements/weddings which you can find under "Most Talked About."


[POST NOTE]: Yes, my hantaran is $3333.33 ( in which Ibu-Baobei insisted on the 33 cents which I think it is cute. Haha, so I went with it) and PROUD. I have nothing to be ashamed of or feeling bitter about it that everyone's hantaran is so much more than mine. Hehe. I told Mama even way before I met Baobei that whoever intends to marry me, this will be the hantaran. It is after all my favourite number and as I am capable of paying for my side of the wedding expenses, hantaran is not even needed in the first place. But since this is part of our 'custom', the hantaran money Baobei is giving is into our honeymoon fund. After all going to three places over the span of 2 weeks is not cheap. Hehehe.