An open letter to NR...

Dear NR,

I don't where to start but probably the easiest thing to say is "I miss you". I am lying if I say I don't miss you at all. Sometimes I find myself being happy about something or excited about something that is going to happen, and wonder how different it will be if you were still around. Yes, I agree that the friendship turned sour and probably there's nothing left to salvage in the end. We were both the same kind of person; stubborn and egoistical. But I know I will always tell you to stop being so damn stubborn and egoistical, and apologise when it is due.

The last of our conversation was about money. And what left so deep in me was you saying that money is something that you can always find, but our friendship is something you can never find. I replied you but I don't know if you got it because I didn't get a reply from you after that.

You know how I am. When I am angry at you, I tend to cut all ties with you. But you were one of my best friends. You're the only person I know that will come over to my house even when I am not at home, and spend time with Mama. That's how close we were. (Though your mother has never liked me.)

I just want to say I miss you and our friendship. You knew about the situation with Syahrul and the only one who encouraged me to open my heart to me when I was scared. Thanks to your push, we are on the way to get married. And you planned to be the most important person at my wedding, but where are you now? (Anyway, that was my last text to you saying that the person who encouraged this relationship is not even going to be at my engagement and my wedding.)

All I know is you're overseas, studying. Good for you! You finally found your path of what you want to do. And I hope the heart is full of nothing but love. I don't know how I would feel when I am getting married or have kids, or buy a house but I know those moments will be so much different if you are around.

No one at home dares to ask me about you after we broke off ties. Mainly they know me too well about how much I sayang my friends. You were the top few despite our fallouts. I never knew this fallout will be the final one.

By the way, I think I saw you last year at Geylang. Needless to say I was too proud to approach you or give you a hug. I should have done it anyway.

Please be safe always, and I hope you still think of me.

xo,

RR