On Hiatus

So sorry for those who have been checking my blog (I am surprised I still clock more than 100 readers a day) but I am currently on hiatus. Will be back sometime in May with lots of updates! We have been searching for contractors (not interior designs because we know what we want and we don't want to pay more for the design fees, if possible) to do up our kitchen and toilet, so if you have good contacts, please leave a comment (even if it is your company's or family's, we will be glad to check it out) or email me at rennyizzatie@hotmail.com. I promise you that May will be filled with lots of posts for you to catch up on since most entries are saved in drafts.


Oh, I read on social media whereby girls went all

"Yahhh Taufik's wife is very successful yet there was no hantaran but deep down you all still want hantaran to cover face." 

1) Whose face you covering? Yours kan? Pasal you ada ciri-ciri Makcik KPO.
2) Let me say this again: Nobody gives a shit how much is your hantaran lah. Nobody but you who goes for someone's nikah to look at the hantaran dulang. Pui.
3) I realized all those girls who went all defensive mode about Taufik's wife tak mintak hantaran, are the girls who demanded 8-10k+ for their hantaran and nowhere near fabulous as Taufik's wife. PUHHLEASE.

I hope my future sons will not have mother in laws like you. Meluat. Money face.

Okay, see you in May.

You are not a property, get a grip

Disclaimer: This is going to offend some people who are in a relationship. Relationship in this case means dating exclusively (means you are seeing one person only but not together), boyfriend-girlfriend, engaged & it-is-complicated-but-he/she-is-mine. Nothing concrete by law, which in other words married. But hey, even married people know how to chill.

Number one on the pet peeve list: People who think they are not humans.

Let me reassure you, that you are a human. I think it is effort on my side (and to those people who happened to chance on my profile in the morning, you must think I am crazy hahaha) because here goes:

As you can see, it gets more kronik as you scroll down.

Why don't want to write his/her name on your forehead sekali?

IMO, it doesn't scream to the world about your love/dedication/loyalty to this relationship. It screams one word: IN to the SE to the CURE! What does it spell: INSECURE! Yes, only people who are insecure need to validate their non-concrete relationship to the whole world, making you seem like you're a non-living thing. Kesian. No need okay? Your pictures on the feed will be very clear that he is your boyfriend/fiance and no bitch can steal him away from you. After all, real men can't be stolen (vice versa for the guys). So chill. I mean, your couple picture as your profile picture is also a clear sign.

Okay let's look at my original profile before I edited to those crazy ones above:

Blue: I usually love putting our couple picture but when I tengah feeling feeling solo shot, I still want to include Baobei inside hahaha.

Red: The only time I can actually call myself a Mrs because school still calls me Ms Renny. Also, some men don't get it (ala ala, the credit card line haha)

Green: MY mantra since I feel in love with Baobei in 2013 which has always my what'sapp status. Editing the 'satu' to 'suatu' doesn't make it your thing. Especially if you have the cheek to use it on your social media.

Yellow: Something that will stay for another month because I am newly wed leh. So give me chance okay. But yes, married.

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Number two pet peeve: Shared accounts is especially annoying when you just got together.

WHY WHY WHY! Why can't you have a separate account like every other normal people? Don't worry okay because once you're married you will share a lot of things like house, bank accounts and babies. No one can run away from that. So save the sharing for other important things. After all you have your own set of friends and backbone right? And you will not die if you don't share this one thing right? Because I haven't heard in the news of anyone dying from that before so you're safe.

Or you make your boyfriend delete his account or they do not own an account of their own so you add their name to your account (vice versa for boys). Ummm? Belum apa apa, dah give your share so easily ke? He didn't die without having a social media before, I am pretty sure he won't die now. So need to use your account to post love messages to you when he can tell you personally okay? Come kish.

Which brings to my last pet peeve...

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Number three pet peeve: Delete sesuka hati kau then lepas tu add dengan muka yang tebal nak mampos / Delete when you feel like it and add back like as if nothing has happened.

Do you know what it reflects on your or your relationship? Gaduh jek (When having an argument) tukar (change) profile picture, delete their name off  your profile lah. Then when da kiss and make up, change everything back to normal. EEEEE YOU GOT SO MUCH TIME TO AIR YOUR DIRTY LAUNDRY TO THE WHOLE WORLD IS IT? 

Worst still, deleting/blocking/unfollowing your partner then add them back when all is right in the world again. How old are you again? 10? This is the I-don't-friend-you phase, is it? Dammit it man, you both have a plan to eventually get married to each other some day (I mean, if you have a relationship with no plans for the future, then don't be in one) so have some respect for each other. I may not love, love my husband when we argue but he is still my husband and I married him for a reason. 

And it is not one social media you know? Every platform of social media available that you do which ummm everyone on your list can see. Or are you so oblivious to the fact that people can see you adding back as friend again/ following your "other half" back. And that, is just a tad embarrassing IMO. I am embarrassed for you because you are doing such an immature thing which you obviously didn't think it through. Baru relationship/engaged already like this. Marriage how? Don't like then jatuhkan talak? (Divorce?)

Please lah, whatever happens behind closed doors, let it remain behind closed doors. Don't need to show the whole world how ugly things can get. Because it is like you ludah but jilat balik (spit and lick back). That's just damn gross both literally and figuratively.

Here's a tip: You're having an argument? Don't go into social media. Simple hor? Don't need to tunjukkan perasaan on social media like a 3 year old spoilt brat.

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Oh, if you are happy with whatever situation you're stuck in above, be happy. You don't need my approval. If you're happy and you know it, well know it. Remember that the end goal is marriage, family of your own and always be blessed with good things in life.

And I happened to stumble upon some people's social media who is obviously not happy with me/Baobei. Let me say something: May the hatred in you die and you will learn to live happily with the fact that I don't like you/I am thankful for what I have. Get over yourself.

Okay, Honeymoon in Gold Coast Part 2 is next! And if you have are a MUA/photographer and will be interested in joining us, click HERE!

The one where we chose the untraditional...

I think I have mentioned quite a fair bit, how much of an unusual bride-to-be I am and I don't think my future MIL has expected a DIL like me. I mean, I am pretty sure she knew I was different than typical Malay girls but I don't think she expect me to be someone who is not big on grand weddings and hantaran (haha).

So how did we eh?

With The Wedding to be just a few days away, I think I have "the right" (because nanti people sakit hati and say I have not kahwin so got no say. Pls sista!) to give a little insight of how and why we did the things we did, and how it will help the future newly weds to make decisions. Maybe when I am a "pengantin lama", I will have better things to contribute, but remember that I am not the conventional kind of bride.

Weddings are meant to happen once in your life (In Shaa Allah), and yes it is a day we want to remember that for the rest of our lives. It is very important, therefore there is a lot of planning. With that being said, a lot of money is involved in the process of getting married. But remember this: A wedding is a ONE (two for some) day event. People tend to get too caught up in something that happens over a day than the things that will happen when your wedding is over. Things we talked about (and I am very lucky to have Baobei who is in-sync with me):

1. Size. The more people you invite, the more food you have to cater and the bigger venue to seat/accommodate your guests (especially during lunch/dinner time). 
2. How grand you want your wedding. It can mean many things like kompang ($500-900) /malay dance ($500-800) /live music ($1k and above) /photobooth ($400-800) /dessert booth ($500 onwards) & it can also means the kind of bridal ($1k can get you either 1 or 3 pairs of outfits, depending on who) /caterer* ($10-15/pax) /decor ($1.5k-10k). *My take is always to splurge on food. People will ALWAYS remember good food.
3. Dulang exchange = $ for the dulang decor ($15/30 per dulang) + $ for gifts (usually more of the high end brands like channel and chanel). IMO redundant. You can buy gifts anytime, darling. + You have to transport the dulangs to a safe place after the nikah. All these barang leceh.

Anyway, whatever I have to say is not really important because I am a bride-to-be of an small, intimate wedding. I don't invite every Malay person I know. I am especially not a fan of splurging all my savings on a day because up til now, I still cringe at the thought that we both have spend almost 10k each for The Wedding. 20k can bring us to Santorini, Bora Bora, Maldives, Brazil, Italy (I heard there are so many awesome beaches) and Africa or it could buy us the 9k mattress that I was lying down at Sealy store (sigh, my back would be eternally grateful to me) & our 2a bike. But I love the fact I don't need a videographer because with a wedding this small, I will remember The Wedding for the rest of my life because we will get time to mingle with our guests.

For savings part, after we have gotten the quotations from our vendors (which we split right smack in the centre) we knew how much money was needed. You take the amount that you need + $2k. Why? This is a wedding, there will bound to have unexpected costs and it is always great to have cash in hand for these kind of emergencies.

Most importantly when it comes to money, always have ALL the money needed to cover all your wedding costs.

NEVER, EVER RELY ON 'DUIT SALAM' (ang bao) TO COVER YOUR WEDDING COST.

If you do that, shame on you. It is as if you're expecting your guests to pay for your wedding (like buying tickets to attend), and that from the start is not right. Your niat (intention) for having a wedding is to have important people celebrate this happy life-changing event in your life, not to help pay for it. You are clearly not financially responsible if you expect people to pay for your own wedding. If you can't afford to pay for the kind of wedding you have envisioned, then don't have it. It is as simple as that. The mistake people make is to expect the duit salam to cover your costs. Don't make it so grand just because you want your wedding to be better than the last BTB's blog that you read. Honey, it doesn't work that way. This is not a competition so snap out of it! I know of people who count their duit salam the night after the event because they need to pay off wedding debts. Don't start marriage with a debt. It will just stir up unhappiness for just a one day thing.

Yes, today is your wedding day and you're the princess. Besok? Masih princess ke? Sorry, you are someone's wife who still owe vendors money. Not very princess-y eh?

I am very proud that Baobei and I have paid all our vendors in full (well, the money is ready just the appointment dates are in late December). So whatever we get from our guests is a bonus, not so much of mengharapkan. Our niat is for our close friends to be there and have good food. Though for me, the hardest was to forgo kompang. I fell in love with void deck wedding with kompang, when Kakak and Arwah Abang Faizal got married back in 2011, and I knew I wanted something like that. But I know I don't have that kind of money to spend.

Another tip to save? Open a separate account with another bank (I love UOB!) and transfer a specific amount of money to that account on the day of your pay day. And keep the ATM card stashed in your house and don't bring it out. We will both keep the accounts even after getting married as our personal savings for our shopping & holidays, while having a joint account is strictly for house + babies.

But if you're asking me how did we decide to get married? It was back in 2011 when I set my mind to settle down by 2015 (and I like odd numbers, though not 5 but I can't wait til 7) because I wanted to have kids at the age where I still have the energy to run after them. So when I was getting to know Baobei in 2012, I told him from the start that I wanted to get married in 2015 and if he wasn't looking for that, he can take his leave because I am not interested to date around. Thankfully, he stayed. Look at us now, getting married in less than 46 days time (oh, you will know when exactly as the date approaches).

See you tomorrow at 12.13pm xo

The one where people will ask about babies...

I am sorry if you were waiting for #MPKvirtualdateat1213pm today. If you must know, I am a huge procrastinator and entries are only written at about 1030am on that day. So when something comes very unexpected, our virtual dates get pushed back ok?

Like today, I found out that I have become AuntyKatt and Baobei has become UnclePek (haha from his IG name). My very close gf, Li, whom I met through blogging (she read my entries while we were in poly when I was in a 'blogwar' I think) and we became friends then.

Li is the first person whom I am close to who got married, got a house (in the process) and pregnant. So she's my go-to. So I visited Li a week before she gave birth, and this woman was craving for chocolates. I, on the other hand, couldn't say no and got her a whole bunch that lead to a 3.372kg baby!

So yesterday, she was texting me about how she was 3cam dilated at 12pm and at 5pm, she was stuck at 5cm and had to take epidural. Texted her at 8pm-ish and she was still in pain but baby still inside. At 10pm-ish, I called her because she didn't reply me and she didn't pick up (I later found out she was pushing haha). Close to 11pm, she texted me

I'm a mom!

I can't describe how happy I am for Li. From how they wanted to wait until the house, to how disappointed when she had her period, to "I AM PREGNANT!", to "It is going to be a boy!" to all those baby scans and comes to this. I am such a happy AuntyKatt.

So here's Eman Zuhayr

Grumpy kid this little one. Only 2 days old and you already know how to be so grumpy. His nose + lips like the mummy and hair just like the daddy. HIS HAIR SO LEBAT!!! Too adorable this one. But here's my fabbret feature of his

Eh hello Eman, can you please explain to me where you get the dimple from? Both your parents don't have. Your grandparents don't have. I bet you must have taken from me when I keep touching your mummy's tummy right?

What a heart breaker at such a young age.

Anyway since yourtea had a CyberMonday sale, I got Li this to try:

BREAST FRIEND TEA!

Such a cute name. I got to know yourtea from Li who initially wanted to try one of their teas and I got really fascinated and ordered my very first Tiny Tea Teatox which I did a review and never did a follow up haha (I really am sorry haha). You can read all about it but this is supposed to help mummies with their breast milk flow. I think it is such a fun gift! It smells funky though (funkier than tiny teatox).

Anyway along with the loot, I got 3 more types of teas. 2 as gifts for 2 separate dearies that I will be meeting up to give them. 

1st up: Skin Magic Tea

2nd: Happy tea

I am super fascinated by the names! I don't really know how much these teas help but I think the name itself can play a huge part like a placebo effect kind of thing. Where you think this thing is going to make your skin clear or happy, and you actually "see" your skin clearer or you "feel" happier. I am such a sucker for these kind of things so can't wait to give them to the respective owners!

Lastly, I have been a fan of Tiny Tea Teatox and although I never did a follow up review, I know there's one thing that this tea has done for me that I am eternally grateful for; Energy. I am always on the move so I am damn lethargic in the mornings but at work, I no longer find a need to nap anymore. I have no intention to be tiny, so the part where it is supposedly to help me loose weight is not something I was looking out.

But since, I am soon to be married and be a wife, Tiny Tea Teatox is no longer an option for me. Why? Because it is said to not drink when you're pregnant/trying to get pregnant. Okay, breathe first. Let me introduce you to my 2015 tea: (when I say 2015 means I drink in 2015 onwards after the wedding, so pls sista)

Before you all go judging me for being "overly enthusiastic" or "kau tak tahu sabar', please chill your tits. There are people who are only getting married in 2016 and 2017 but they lagi enthusiastic about bookings and securing their vendors likka bridezilla when there's no rush since there's ample time. Whereas for me, babies can happen already after our wedding.

Why did I get myself Fertility Tea? 

First and foremost, let's sidetrack a little. Even before our wedding which is next month, we already had questions like "Are you guys planning to have one immediately?" 

I think I have mentioned it before (somewhere in the blog) that both our parents do not allow us to plan for our first kid, and we should just go with the flow. If we have, Alhamdulilah, rezeki. If don't have, we can always try again in the bedroom haha. Both of us are agreeable to whatever our parents said so baby can be in our 2015 plan, In Shaa Allah.

Thus, I am finding a substitute for my Tiny Tea Teatox since baby may or may not happen for us, and I don't want to do more harm to our potential baby so I am playing it safe. I am not like preparing for my body and hope to get pregnant like one month into the marriage but I am open to when Allah is willing to give us one.

1. My main purpose is to find a substitute to Tiny Tea Teatox because I love drinking teas and will need a replacement when I discontinue it.
2. The sub reason is to always prepare the good for our future kid so he/she can have an awesome time in my womb for the next 9 months. Anyway this tea is still good for me, regardless pregnant or not.

So I am finishing my last few teabags of Tiny Tea Teatox before I bid it goodbye until I have given birth to our first kid which we will never know when. Anyway, I think drinking Fertility Tea is super cool because if people are going to ask if I am pregnant or when am I ever going to be pregnant after our wedding/honeymoon, I can make them swallow the tea bags on my behalf. I am planning a heartless cold reply like I did with the "How much is your hantaran" question. 'You shut up, you have no say' kind of attitude to the same Makciks KPO. Worst case scenario, I can always look forward to the throwing of teabags or hot tea. Oh wells. Hahaha.

I think it will be amazing to have kids just by looking at how Li went through hers. It must have felt amazing to be placed at the highest level a woman can be; which is to fight between life and death to give birth to a little human being.

Anyway if you enjoy teas, you should get them especially when they have discounts. You should get people to buy together because you can share the 10USD shipping fee and the teas arrive in 3-4 days time (because they fly from Hong Kong). There's other cool teas that you should check it out, including Sex Tea. Knowing me, I will just order it for the fun of it. Yup, I am that crazy. But oh wells, you will always be surprised by the shits I do.

If you're asking me if the Fertility Tea works, I bought for 2 persons. 1 is currently pregnant while the other is still trying. So you will never know eh? Kuasa Tuhan.

Til our virtual date in 12 hours and 13 mins time, xo

The one with the unexpected house...

// Sorry I was 33mins late for today's virtual date. Slept late and cannot wake up thanks to the rain. Let's change to 12.13pm tomorrow onwards ok. (Auspicious timing for me hahah)

So the latest from HDB is the BTOs and Sale of Balance Flats right? Itchy fingers I have, I also go and look see lah. For Baobei and I, we have no hurry to get a place since we have rooms at both our parents' place but somehow having our own place seems so appealing (esp with my 5 year plan going to kickstart next year). Anyway Baobei has no preference in the location as long as he gets a bike that he loves to get him anywhere in Singapore. Yup, that's our compromise. So he gets to pick the next bike while I get to pick the location of our house.

I need these things when come to house which I ever blogged here:

1. Big space/Spacious (more than 104 sq m)
2. Convenience (to get to every part of Singapore)

So I have narrowed down to 2 places I foresee my kids growing up- Bishan or Serangoon. Both places have old houses (read: 4A) which means it meets criteria number 1 and I know for the fact that it will cost me $10 from my house to town if I were to cab (read: cab) that meets criteria 2.

Long story short, I saw this 2 units in Bishan that were up for grabs, however we were only interested in 1 which is near the Salvation Army that is 104 sq m big. We actually went down to see the exact location and unit:

"This one not our house yet lah. Tak boleh feeling feeling gitu,"

when I asked Baobei to pose. Boleh acting what Baobei! ):

What we love about this place:

* Spacious corridor 

* Great location (left is 4 bus stops to Bishan MRT, right is to AMK and Thomson)

* There is My First Skool like 2 blocks away (read: childcare)

* My family doctor is like a bus stop away (or can walk about 5 mins)

* One immediate neighbour only

Haha, I sound very makcik but let's roll with this first okay?

What I don't like about this place:

* House number: 06-444. You all know my obsession with odd numbers but 5 and no even numbers but 0 right? So I didn't like the # but Baobei was "it's ok."

Sounds too good to be true right? Yes, this is an old flat. Well actually it was build in 1992. So why is this under Sale of Balance Flats since that usually applies to BTO houses where people last minute cancel or it was not sold when the project was launched? These old houses were 'repurchased' by HDB meaning if let's say someone finds it hard to sell it in the open market or migrating/have a private housing already, they sell it back to HDB. Similarly these houses are also 'repossessed' back meaning if you cannot pay your flats after a certain period of time (HDB is more kind than banks), they take it back.

So the downside is we will not know how the inside of the house looks until we take the key. So god knows how long the unit has been vacant and what was done to the house by the previous owner. Which means it may costs us a lot of money because this only means renovation. Asyik duit duit duit. HAHAHAIS.

But we had plans to just buy the unit and then slowly do up the house while still staying at my parents, which seemed like a good idea and I had become like those girls who stalk the HDB websites to check the number of applicants (which was 11, including us, when it closed on 1st of December. So if you happened to be one of the 10 well I hated you but we are cool now ok) while Baobei rilek jack but he also warned me to not get attached to the house.

Until when I checked how much loan we were able to get. Kakak said that first timers we get 30k grant and if we stay near parents (within 2km) we get additional 10k. So we really harapkan the 30k because this means a lot to us. Oh, I forgot to mention that the house costs 424k (pause to telan air liur). So if we can minus off 30k, that means the house costs less than 400k right? 

Wrong.

I kept wondering why the system kept prompting us to pay 37k cash upfront upon the key collection from HDB so I gave up reading their not-answering-my-questions pages and called them up. Easier right? Get the answer straight away.

When I got off the phone, I was appalled by the whole housing system. I was too speechless but eventually I went on a rage and called Baobei, then talked to Mama and then we decided to forgot this house. Why?

Though this unit is a repurchased (or when in open market it is called resale) unit by HDB, it will still be considered as a new flat. Under the new flat scheme, there is no such thing as 30k grant for first timers. I knew that it applied to BTO scheme but I didn't think it will apply to old houses. To be fair, we will not get a house as cheap as 424k in Bishan and the 30k is to help us to fight the prices in the open market. But hello? Where am I going to find the money to get the key? Then I no need to buy fridge (read: SMEG haha) is it?

To make things even worst (pls don't get me wrong, I am VERY thankful but it just sucks to be in our shoes right now), our combined income exceed 5k which means NO GRANT AT ALL. Satu sen also tak dapat. Absolutely none. Which means to say if we ever decide to buy from HDB, our budget is

Maximum loan by HDB + our combined income = cost of house we can buy

WAIII HDB!!! SO KEMUT. HELP US LEH!

I had a harder time to say goodbye to the flat because I had big dreams for the house haha, but guess what lah friends! Yesterday I was at Li's place to hangout with her since she is popping out sometime this week or early next week and I was having this house talk with her (best person to talk to because she got married first, got a house first and now preggers first so this woman is full of wisdom for me haha). At the same time I was having a conversation with myself in my head (happens all the time but I am not crazy though/yet) and said if I really want the grant means 2 things:

1. Open market
2. Stay near my parents

Since Serangoon was 1 of the 2 options, I found a house online that is looking for a Malay owner and is Malay owned (which means if we do get this place, I can take my time to renovate pasal tak geli what). Gave the agent a text (who is also Malay haha so happening ah this little Kampong Melayu of ours) and we have set an appointment to view the house!

SAYYY WHUT!

From being so sad to not being able to afford the house in Bishan to having a glimpse of hope at staying across my parents! Which means in the future I can drop the kids at my parents' place and pick them up and walk home. Best kan? 

The plus points to note about this particular house we are looking at:

1. 105 sq m
2. Malay owned
3. 40k grant in our pocket
4. 7 minutes walk to my parents' place
5. Serangoon (Circle line and NEL)

So this finding house is giving me a huge headache but the fun kind. It will be freaky if I were to say it is more fun than the wedding HAHA but house is forever leh. I can't wait to start haunting every ID in Singapore and start shoving the blueprint in their faces! I am just excited, that's all.

Anyway I will keep you all posted with the house once we have viewed it with both our parents! I am not looking forward to the application of HLE (already in the midst of it) because it is too tedious (I have to download Baobei's one year's worth of pay slips) and taxing. But anything for our house lah ok.

Since we are in no rush, if both parties can't agree to the price then we can also look for another house. But I am hoping for this one though so let's all put our hands together and hope for the best ok! And we can forget about Bidadari BTOs (or any BTOs for that matter) that we first wanted to apply (which is opening next year. Hantu scared of you'alls ok) since we will not one cent out of gahment.

Okay til our next virtual date tomorrow at 12.13pm (Haha nampak sah this janji Melayu very strong ones). 

The one where why 1/2 of Apkim is worth going to...

This is to all who gave me that shrug over my decision to not go for kursus rumah tangga.

Firstly, the drama about the kursus rumah tangga not being compulsory is true. There's no such thing that you cannot nikah if you do not have the cert during your nikah or Tok Kadi will only give you a photocopy of your marriage certificate. Tok Kadi tak ada time to bring photocopier machine wherever he goes ok? This is only compulsory a few years back but they have changed it since. Me thinks the divorce rate is still high even having to attend the kursus. So what is the moral of the story friends? It is not the kursus that makes your marriage work. Wake up! *snap snap* And this was confirmed when I called ROMM to push our interview date because of Baobei's commitment with work, not me hahah and I said we decided to go kursus first before interview, in which she replied, "Awak pergi kursus? That one is not compulsory to go but good that you go."

Secondly, there is only so much a kursus be it one day or two can teach you how to build better marriage. We learnt that in order for a marriage we need 4 things: Transparent, Communication, Give & Take, Trust. Are you telling me that you don't know that already? You need someone to tell you that? If you need a kursus to hint to your man/fiancé, sayang you are not marrying the right person ok.

I hate it when people tell me I 'have to' take it. No, I don't have to.

If you want to be a better wife for your husband, then you can start by being a better muslimah. Full stop. If you know how to take care of yourself, then your husband tak tanggong your dosa am I right? Isn't that being a good wife? And trust me, there are a lot of classes to teach you on how to be a better person. Yes, I am one to talk. But I didn't preach about how a kursus can help me in my marriage.

Thirdly, if you have not started paying for the big bulk of your wedding don't say that $300 is not a lot of money. Especially when you have your parents to pay for you part of your wedding, you shut up! You have no say here. It is a lot of money when you start paying the bigger bulks of your wedding services, so of course I will think twice about paying for someone to tell me how to make my marriage work. Yes, there's is no harm to serve as a reminder or to learn new things,  but I can always choose to attend it after the wedding. I don't have to die die attend it before. Anyway I can learn even after my wedding because my marriage starts after the nikah. IMO, if you're pumped to learn there are classes that go on a weekly basis. So don't be all high an mighty for a one/two day kursus.

Fourthly, I certainly do not need a kursus to hint to my husband that his money is our money and my money is my money. I seriously don't understand some relationships. Yes, by default our husbands are not supposed to use our money but please lah understand sikit ok. Living in Singapore is not easy, financially. What is wrong of helping him out. He is not going to resent you (ego > you) for doing so (but if he does dia bodoh) but he will love you for being so understanding that he is also a human. He also has needs and wants. He also wants to buy things, not work for the rest of his life to pay for you only. Let me be honest here, Baobei and I split all the cost right smack in the middle for the wedding. No one is paying more than the other. My ring is the mas kahwin thus Baobei has to fork out every single cent for it right? His ring is a gift from me to him. Comes back to square one. Hantaran? It is spend ALL on honeymoon. Any excess goes to the combined savings we will open when we are married. Am I going the honeymoon by myself? No. So the money is not just for me, it is for us.

So why did we go anyway? Baobei's parents have been giving in to everything that we want for our wedding including a small number of guests. They only ask us to go for the kursus in return. They are really scared that we won't get to nikah or we get a photocopied version as rumours have it, so to put their mind at ease we went. But if we have it my way, I would not have gone and I will not recommend you not to go. Why? Why are you going for a marriage preparation course? Shouldn't you have known already before deciding to get married?

So long story short.

All ready for Baobei to pick me up.

Our first half of the session was a 1-on-1 session with an ustaz. He is really old though, and really made things very awkward. I think the only part I enjoyed about his session was when he asked Baobei to practice with him for the nikah. Apart from that, I felt this was purely not needed. He spend talking a lot about religion and hari kiamat than marriage which I was expecting a lot since the name.

Second half was a group session with all the couples who came for the kursus on that day. The facilitator, Cik Rani, is really, really good. 3.5 hours felt so fast! We learned about each other's character through the personality test which was kind of expected haha. But mostly, Cik Rani talked about the taboo topic with so little awkwardness. He even linked it with our religion. His advice is to never stop having sex with each other and the occasional plans to spice up the night should be incorporated too. I may have explained it too explicitly, but he did it so well.

So at 6pm, we got this:

So this.

I love my future in-laws because they are the reason why I have Baobei to marry. So a little compromise is no big thing. You may say that I am Miss Know-It-All or whatever, but really who are you kidding? Me or you? I give you time to think about it. Til tomorrow for our 12pm virtual date.

The one where it's the aftermath of TKKTKCseries...

Ever since The Kakak-Kakak Tunang/Kahwin Clan series Part 3 started trending on the Facebook, I was told that most people agreed with me, while some told me to get married before I speak of the topic. And I find this particularly funny because hantaran is before the marriage. So how can I talk about it when it matters before my marriage? Some people are bitter that I am trending on Facebook or my face is appearing non-stop. Okay, let's clear some stuffs between you and me:

• I never asked for the blog post to be trending. If I wanted it to trend, I would have tried my hardest to promote it back in November 2013. Actually, come to think of it I may have posted the link on my Facebook and Twitter after writing it. It didn't trend then (hahah I am not popular *cries*) but some popular kid out there shared on his/her page that probably had thousands of friends on his/her list. So don't hate me, hate the popular kid if you must.

• This topic is sensitive to the Malay community so what gives me a right to talk about it? Because I find it downright ridiculous that people are putting a price on their daughters yet no one is saying anything about it. Taboo? Well, it's about time someone said something. I know this is an unfavourable opinion for a woman especially, but I believe there's always a line between 'religion and tradition' and often people get carried away. Your hantaran is $10,000? K. I don't care, and I never will. It is unlike me to KPO on other people's business. So don't get all crappy with me because I spoil market or what. You're probably bitter because either you wish you're me or you fall on the other side of the debate. Either way, you can't win.

• I stand by my opinion that even if the guy side mampu to pay the hantaran, he still shouldn't. For one, to who are you trying to show? Why do you need to show? So what if he can pay me 30k but he does not have qualities of a good husband. No price can put on that kind of qualities. So I rather people see my husband as a good man who is able to take care of my needs, love me always, makes me happy, provide for me (on a daily basis instead of just one day) and is loyal to me. I pick that over 10k. What does 10k show? He can provide me a comfortable life but what if his perangai is shit and causes me unhappiness? So what lah, big deal 10k. Why not instead of asking me how much is the hantaran, ask if he makes me happy for a change? (To answer that question, Yes Baobei does make me very happy.) Anyway, my late BIL gave my sister hantaran of 15k (willingly as he initially planned on 10k but when his parents came over to merisik, he changed to 15k) not only did my own relatives talked shit about it but also said things like "Eh menantu Rahman kaya eh." My late BIL was not rich. He worked very hard and was thrifty. Big difference eh Makcik. (///Side track: I miss you Abang Faizal. I always wished you could have met Syahrul.)

• People say that hantaran will remind men about the hardships before the wedding which will then make him realised and work harder for the marriage. My take? Marriage is two person working hard on it, every f day. Yes, men are the ones who provide for us and they are our imam, But what makes you think that it should only be the men who works hard to make a marriage work? Both should make an equal effort to keep the marriage here work so you will be together in the thereafter. And since you women think it's so easy, why don't you save the same amount of money you asked for the hantaran on top of the wedding, and you tell me if it is easy. Not so easy to ask for 10k huh?

• My future MIL actually asked if Syahrul can give me 5k for hantaran instead of the agreed amount of $3,333.33 but Syahrul and I told her no (and explained my rationale instead of dismissing her suggestions because that is just downright rude). I understand where is she coming from because she wants people to know that her anak is doing well and is able to take care of a wife. But I also told her that I know that, my parents know that and they, as his parents, know that, and for me, that is more than enough. Besar or kecik, tetap people are going to talk about it. So no need to make it into a big fuss.

Anyway, we have already used part of the hantaran to book our flight for the honeymoon (that on a separate entry about how we going to present the duit hantaran on our wedding day since we have already used it) and definitely will be using more of it to book the hotels and miscellaneous stuffs once we have settled the itinerary.

But if you're still not happy, at least have the decency to say it to my face lah or directly to me. Instead of thrashing me on Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or whatever lah. Don't be such a coward, I am so easy to find on all platforms of social media. You can also leave an anonymous comment for all I care, at least it's to me and not through other people. Please lah, grow some balls and then we can talk like human beings. If not, I suggest you eat up your unhappiness and let it die inside of you. K.

I am very opinionated so if you think you can't deal with it, don't read me. But if your choose to still do it, and you sakit hati, remember that you brought this upon yourself.  I have basic respect and courtesy for every human being but once we have crossed that line, I don't really have anything nice to say to you. 

Oh wells, you can't win with people who are so narrow minded. That's the sad, pathetic truth. Maybe some morals and education can give you a better prospective. If not, take this with a pinch of salt.

With all these drama-mama going on, I don't have the mood to blog about my fiancé's birthday which I will soon with the next few events that will be happening. Heh.

And for those who find me on various social media platform to tell me that you love my posts, I salute you! You and I will be very good friends. For those who are still being bitter and hate me, 

k.

I will not stop here, too. Oh to make things easier, you may find these series in the folder called TKKTKCseries. Have a good longgg weekend, because I will. Thank you for the du'as for a smooth sailing journey for our wedding. Syahrul and I appreciate it. In Shaa Allah it will, Amin.

The one that it escalated quickly...

I was told yesterday that my blog entry was trending on Facebook yesterday and believe me when I say I was stunned + surprised altogether. After all the post that was trending was written on 17th November 2013. So I am sure how did it resurface back. Hahaha! When someone commented on my IG about how she loves my blog posts, I thought it was funny to check my blog stats. 2000? Kidding right? The most number of visit was 800.

30 minutes later, it increased by 1000.

47, 272

I was also told that people had conflicting views about my blog post and I am cool with it. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion anyway. But before you come up with a conclusion about my entry, you might want to catch up on The Kakak-Kakak Tunang/Kahwin Clan series:

The Kakak-Kakak Tunang/Kahwin Clan Part 1
The Kakak-Kakak Tunang/Kahwin Clan Part 2
The Kakak-Kakak Tunang/Kahwin Clan Part 3 (Currently trending)

And the post where I talk about Hantaran
The One Where Makciks' Dotters Speak of H

Oh, please play nice or I will not be nice either. After all, these are MY own opinions and we can hate or love it together. I welcome your opinions too. There's only one thing I ask which is to respect my family, fiancé and friends on my blog okay? If you have an issue with me, we can it talk out. I will be replying blog comments in a bit.

xo.

///POST NOTE: Even if the men mampu to come up with 10-15k, kena tunjuk ke? I am pretty sure there are certain things left better not known to many. Unless, tunjuk menunjuk is part of your plan in the first place.