The Kakak-Kakak Tunang/Kahwin Clan Part 2.

Disclaimer: Actually there is none because this is going to offend 97% people I know who are currently or already in the ‘Kakak-kakak Tunang/Kahwin Clan’. Sorry, I am not sorry at all. This does not apply to families with only one child or to the oldest child in the family because I understand the excitement that comes with it.

After The Kakak-Kakak Tunang/Wedding Clan Part 1 post, I am surprised some of us Modern Malay Girls (MMGs) still have a lot of common sense in us (yay us!). I, of course, am going to continue this pedih post for those who are still hung up on your very own The Modern Malay Engagement. Please, by all means, because my classy, chic engagement (did I just reveal something here? Stay tuned to the end of the post) is going to be just The Engagement.

I have made many online friends on Instagram (@mypussykatt) and was crazy enough to plan meet-ups with some of them. I am very lucky to have met such awesome bunch of girls. They have sort of become my SOS girly friends when I need a girl’s opinions (yes, I am one of those girls whose best friend is a guy). The rest are just known as Instagram-people. Recently, I have seen some got hitched, some got engaged, some got in a relationship, some doubting their boyfriends, some are in the midst of their wedding/engagement preparations, some just broke up and some got dumped. You name it; it is all over the internet. I guess some girls didn’t get the memo about airing their dirty laundry (I am not talking about the good stuffs because that's a yay!).

I would like to include one part of The Modern Malay Engagement that slipped my mind; exchanging of dulangs. (I am dying to say pls)

What The Engagement should be like:

• A ring for either just the girl* or both
• A cake for 8 persons with wordings “Happy Engagement xxx & xxx”
• A fruit/chocolate basket

*We have to consider the fact that guys are not like us girls. We can own 20 rings and put on all of them at one go while they just want one. So ask yourself if an engagement or wedding ring is more important for him to wear every day. And if I hear any MMGs saying things like, “How would people know that he is engaged or not if he doesn’t wear a ring?” WOW. I would just have to say that you’re that insecure and that you have no trust in your fiancé which is very sad.

What The Malay Modern Engagement is like:

• A pair of rings
• A cake for 20 persons with same wordings
• A fruit/chocolate basket or both
• A *insert brand* watch
• A *insert brand* bag
• A *insert brand* wallet
• A *insert brand* something invalid
• A *insert brand* something inavlid

No one in the right mind would reject a list of gifts. No one. I would ask for 9 pairs of shoes if I wanted to and have no love for my relationship. Not because he can’t afford them but why am I burdening my other half to get things for me? He is not even my husband yet and already I am driving him away with my wants and not needs. Are you that incapable of getting your own things or the kind that needs a man to get you all of those? Please keep in mind that engagement is not even mandatory in the first place, and ask yourself what is the reason (not excuse) the both of you do it in the first place.

Remember we talked about keeping it simple and classy.

Lastly, MMGs these days including their parents (not sure if this hereditary) are so worried what people think. Why do you feel the need to show people what you have or going to have? If I ask for only the minimal and very important things, will people say that Baobei and I are poor? *boo hoo* You want to know why you are so worried about people talking about you?

It is because you did a damn good job at talking about other people's happy events.

That is why you’re so damn worried what people might say about your own. I, for one, never come for an event to see what was on the dulang or if the ring has a huge ass diamond sitting on it. I don't care. I am happy for my person, take pictures, compliment her/him and makan. I love makan you know? If you feel the need to do outdo others because this status is more important than anything else in the world, well wake up sweetheart.

I can never understand MMGs who cannot be happy for people. If you can't be happy for what I have, you are certainly not welcome to celebrate my happy day(s) with me. With the hint being said, do you know what happens during a merisik? Keep close because I will tell you what I thought would happen and what actually happened during mine.

Yes, mine.
*screams YAY

The Kakak-Kakak Tunang/Kahwin Clan Part 1.

Disclaimer: Actually there is none because this is going to offend 97% people I know who are currently or already in the ‘Kakak-kakak Tunang/Kahwin Clan’. Sorry, I am not sorry at all. This does not apply to families with only one child or to the oldest child in the family because I understand the excitement that comes with it.

Today’s Malay Society makes it hard for young couples to get engaged and married because it is ridiculously expensive. Like as if it isn't expensive enough to survive in Singapore itself, declaring my love also costs? Well, you're not going to fool me wedding-people! (Not now though, so don’t get overly excited!)

The Modern Malay Engagement.

I have always thought that engagement is a waste of money. For one, it is NOT mandatory in our religion as Muslims. One of my early 20s life crisis was finding someone with husband/father material who sees life the way I do. (And I did, haha.) One of it is to see that engagement is just little bonuses to the wedding companies who are sucking young couples’ money dry. Let alone ‘The Modern Malay Engagement’.

First, ask this, “What is the purpose of an engagement?”

•           To ‘chope’ your person
•           To bring your commitment level a notch higher
•           A reason to start planning your wedding
•           An excuse to have a ring
•           To show off
•           Pleasant in the eyes of families

For me (if I ever have to do one), the sole reason has to be because of family. I understand that my parents and potential in-laws are conservative (to a small extent). It is always nice to go to family events and introduce your kid’s partner as fiancé/fiancée rather than friend/girlfriend/boyfriend.

///Side track: My family has always referred Baobei as “Atie nyer kawan/boyfriend,” while Baobei’s family has always referred me as “Nizam nyer kawan.” I think there was once at a wedding his dad said, “Bakal.” (Insert a big smug face)

I thought an excuse to have a ring has always been a nice touch but I am not big on diamonds and don’t really care much for how many carats it is. It can be a carrot, and I don’t give a flying saucer pan.

///Side track again: Currently on my ring finger is the diamond ring my late brother in law gave my sister on their wedding day. As my sister recently remarried her LOHL (love of her life), the old wedding ring no longer sits on her ring finger. I loved and miss my late brother in law all the time, so I like the reminder of a good man he was with me wherever I go. (A little secret: It makes me feel safe like I have an angel of my own.)

If your insecurity makes you feel the need to reserve someone, please have a look at your relationship again. If you need an engagement to bring your commitment level one level higher, please have a look at your relationship again. Your loyalty and level of commitment should remain the same, high and up there, the moment you both decided to date each other exclusively. If you need a reason to start planning your big day, WHY HAVEN’T YOU ALREADY? (I planned my ideal one since I decided I want to settle down. That was like 2012 though I very naughty haha.) If you feel the need to flaunt the engagement status, you seriously need to grow the hell up. (I couldn’t bring myself to write the F word.)

Now to The Modern Malay Engagement.

What I find it bloody ridiculous is the extent of a small significant event turned to like a mini-wedding. I cannot emphasize how ridiculous Malays can be. It is VERY embarrassing because my friends/colleagues who aren’t Malay always ask me if our engagement is like ROM (Registry of Marriage) which is FAR from it. I find it my responsibility to clear the air and mess created by Malays who go to such extends for just an engagement. Yes, just.

Let’s list out possible symptoms of The Modern Malay Engagement

• You have a guest list completed with invitation cards. I don’t really have an issue but this is just like a wedding. Of course, you can argue back and say that you want to celebrate a milestone in your life/relationship with your loved ones. But there’s a limit to everything. Invitation cards are not necessary. Personally a nice touch will be inviting by mouth and just what'sapp the details. You also don’t have to invite friends. Just the closest of the closest ones. After all, it is just an engagement.
• The event is held at a grand venue like community centre, country club etc. Under the block can still be acceptable because not everyone has huge house that can accommodate your long list of guests. It also gives your house breathing space. But please.
•  Hiring freelance make-up artist to do your hair and make-up is still okay. But you go to extend hiring MUA (make up artists) bridal companies? Hiring photographer/videographer? Renting out clothes from bridal companies? Having a change of clothes? 2 to 3 sets? Doing inai? (Haha this is bloody ridiculous!) Not only do you spend so much on a small significant event, you are also taking out the fun on your actual wedding day.
• You have a (freaking!!!) pelamin. Now, please explain the significant of this.
• You do a photo shoot. Again, just taking out the fun of your wedding day.

If I ever have The Engagement (not I remove the words 'Modern' and 'Malay'), I am not going to torture myself and sit at the chair for a couple of hours, waiting for people to take pictures with me. The only time I am going to sit my ass down and take pictures is when the sarung cincin (putting on the ring by the mother/sister of the boy’s side) and a couple of shots of my family and closest of the closest friends that I invite which I can count with my fingers. This is not my wedding day, so please don’t make me go through it twice okay? I even ask Kakak if on my sanding day the hours be shorten. What if I become bored or sleepy? Or my facial muscles stop working? Don't take away the fun of your actual day! Why would you want to do that?!

Make it small and significant.

“Jangan hebohkan apa yang belum ditentukan.*” Fiza-O

*Paraphrased

Yes, everyone in the right mind wants one engagement and one wedding in their life. But I have seen how many engagements fall apart. I don’t have to look far because Kakak went through three engagements (one with her late husband, one with a douche and one with her now husband) and Abang went through one engagement. It doesn't mean that an engagement is a sure thing. We can only pray that we are doing the right things all the time. What I am really saying is the money spend on The Modern Malay Engagement can be used to fund your wedding, honeymoon, house etc.

Don’t make it overrated. Some things are just classy when it is small and intimate.

///Side track: With that, Baobei when you going down on one bended knee, and tell me why you love to wake up, and fall asleep next to me every day for the rest of your life, and why I am the best and only fit to be your soulmate and mother of your kids because you know in a heartbeat I would say yes. So don’t ask rhetorical question okay?