Makcik-KPO are very toxic and people you cannot avoid. They can be people in your family or people who are somehow related to your family (you know Malays lah). A brief description of Makcik-KPO is that they are typically in their 40s, but nowadays they can be in their 20s too. Okay okay, before I continue let me tell you the TWO prominent symptoms of a Makcik-KPO;
- Their first and only question to a someone's conversation about a person getting married is, "Hantaran dia berapa?" which in translation is "How much is the dowry?"
- They LOVE to compare hantaran among couples.
I love this question when it is asked to my face because my very pedas answer will always be "Why? Are you helping the man pay for it?" Their reaction: Priceless. Ask somemore lah, I like.
Let's bring in religion prospect about hantaran: It is NOT compulsory. I like to emphasize what is necessary and what is not, because people make a big fuss out of something that is not even needed in the first place. What is important is the mas kahwin. Now why don't people ask that?
Okay next, what is the hantaran for? I have heard many versions but let me tell you the most practical and practiced by my family; It is to help with the girl's side of the wedding. Usually the girl's side of the wedding is more grand thus, more people. The money that is given by the boy's side is to help to ease the payments of the wedding. OR in the olden days, girls usually don't work or earn as much, thus lessen the burden. But the girl would have saved money for her side of the wedding (if not why get married right?) so it will be used for honeymoon or put in savings together as a married couple. But now, smart couples do combined wedding to save costs. (Kuddos to smart couples) So when you combined a wedding, then the hantaran is not necessary anymore isn't it?
These days, hantaran has a ‘market price’. I hate it when people use the term ‘market price’ so loosely. For one, your daughter is not an animal/thing you are selling at the market. So please, remove that degrading term away from something beautiful. Two, whose market are we following? Is this Singapore’s market price? Are you honestly telling me if Baobei does not pay the supposedly market price, he is less of a husband?
Yes, I have also taken into consideration that hantaran is also to show that the man is able to provide for his future wife and family. So are you telling me that if the man is able to produce $10,000 on the wedding day, he is able to do so for the rest of his life as and when his wife asks for it? Why can’t we judge if the man is able to take of his future wife and family by the job that he has and his future plans?
For me, it is very easy. You have a stable job, you have a 5 year plan, and a plan to get that 5 year plan working and one day, when we have children and I don’t want to work for awhile, he is able to provide for us comfortably. I pick that over a miserable $10,000 for that one day.
Families take advantage of the fact that their daughter is a undergraduate/diploma holder, thus the hantaran is more expensive. What kind of rubbish is that? Yes, you brought up your daughter with a good education and now she holds a good job, but the one who has to pay for that gratitude is your daughter, not your future son in-law. That’s why we children give our parents money monthly when we start to work (or your children don’t do that? Or you don't give your parents monthly money?).
I don’t have to look far for a good example because my parents are not your typical Malay parents. They have never set a price on their daughters. When my late BIL came over with his parents to ask my sister's hand in marriage, my parents asked "How much can you afford?"
I am not saying that all parents should be like mine. Actually, scratch that. ALL parents should be like mine. When you set a ‘price’ so high, not only are you putting additional pressure to the relationship (as if there is not enough with as the wedding day progresses), you are also making this man work his remaining single life like a slave just so he can marry your daughter. Then when he goes astray or cancels the wedding last minute, you blame him. Has it occurred to you that the unnecessary pressure from YOU may be the underlying reason?
I have heard stories like blank cheques are presented on nikah because they were unable to come up with the money or couples starting their married life with a huge debt because they borrow money from relatives/banks/loan sharks just so they can meet this unrealistic expectation. You are so worried people will talk about the small amount of duit hantaran, you don’t think of the repercussion of the big amount? Aren't you giving more things for people to talk about? That’s just backfiring.
I have hopes that our Malay society will stop putting a price to everything. Money is not everything in a marriage. I may not be married yet, but I know what I want in a man. It is not how much he can provide in that one day but for the rest of the days of our life together. If you as a BTB (bride to be) feel the need to show off that your hantaran is $10, 000 or $15, 000 grow the hell up. Or better yet, don't get married because you certainly have not matured at all.
If you remove the superficial skin of weddings, I am pretty sure you will look forward to a beautiful wedding, and a more beautiful marriage. Let the Makcik-KPO talk, because we cannot shut their mouths. If they cannot be happy, so be it. Who needs such negativity in our life? Certainly not me.
So you are most welcome not to attend my wedding.
///Post note: You may also want to read these babies
The one that it escalated quickly...
The one where it's the aftermath of the TKKTKC
///Post note: You may also want to read these babies
The one that it escalated quickly...
The one where it's the aftermath of the TKKTKC
"Anak makcik bawah ada berlian ker?" thats a qns i would lash out to them ...and these people are no diff from human traffickers.. profiting much from another's situation.
ReplyDeleteSad society... standard lah melayu, bergaya mau lebih .... LOL
HAHAHA. Fuhhh, kalau ada berlian saya nak tengok please! Haha, these kinds of makciks are so disgusting. Part duit number one. MENYAMPAH!
DeleteGaya je nak lebih, yang lain? HAHAHAhais.
I like urs blog... wohoo...
ReplyDeleteHehe, thank you babe. Alhamdulilah people who share the same sentiments as me. xo
DeleteLove this! But, i went through a hell ride about the hantaran. I had a discussion about it with my late mother that i didn't want hantaran and all but after she passed on, i had to discuss with my makcik who gave all the above that you've listed out. Oh makcik kpo, what a drag~ but of course, they didn't put the price, just that they said 'tengok market rate'. Dalam hati, 'ewah, nak jual komputer ke!?'
ReplyDeleteAwwwh that sounds tough. Firstly, I am sorry about your mother. Secondly, very sakit hati. I know they have our best interest at heart but it is done entirely the wrong way. Tak pernah makcik KPO tanyer soalan like what is he working as and if he mampu to tanggung his wife and his own parents. You know those important questions... Oh well, just remember that ini semua tak important. So ikut kemampuan. Besar or kecik, tetap orang akan berbual. HAHAHA, and awak bukan computer okay! xo.
DeleteWhen the man can easily leave a lady just because he can't afford dowry. That's simply to show how easy they can give up on the girl. Dowry is a way to show how responsible & persistence a man can be to work on a reasonable sum. Once he's married he would remember how hard it is to end the relationship. At the end of the day, dowry is usually being used as part of the wedding & most parents won't want to take it. I've to agree that dowry shouldn't be seen as competition but one thing for sure we can see how the man truly want to be with the lady. There's always a term called 'negotiation'& not simply turn the table & say 'game over im moving to another chick'. As for the makcik kpo, smile & ignore. It's worthless to even answer. Mas kahwin is definitely important as compared to dowry! Just my thoughts. Great topic for sharing aniway. ;) -Nora-
ReplyDeleteIf a man truly love a lady.. he will guide her to Allah even before marriage... By 'buying' them during marriage does not show... -juz saying no offence.. :)
DeleteAgreed!
DeleteHello Nora, thank you for your comment and sharing with me about your views. It is definitely something I didn't think of but hey! Now I know. However there's some things I just want to clear:
Delete1) I have not heard for men leaving women because he cannot afford the dowry. But I know of men who tried to work their asses off yet women don't recognise their effort and still demand such an amount. I don't know if you know but weddings are not cheap. Imagine cost of a wedding + 10-15k? Not easy.
2) Marriage consists of 2 persons. The hard work has to be from the both of them, not jut the men. Women also needs to be reminded that their journey before marriage too. After all, it is common to hear about men and women cheating openly.
3) I am not sure where does the hantaran go to though. But I keep hearing from fellow BTBs that some parents control where the money go to and they have to ask for permission or the money goes to the girl's parents.
Anyway, this marriage is not going to be easy. So we women shouldn't make it harder than it already is. Lain kalau the men mampu. If not ikut kemampuan. After all, men should know that marriage is not going to be easy because he has one extra mouth to feed, and In Shaa Allah more.
And if they have to tunda the wedding just because the hantaran, then that's wrong.
The Prophet (saw) said, "Do not delay in three matters. Prayer, when the Azan has been called. Burial, when a person has died. Marriage, when the right candidate has been found."
xo
Hello Muhammad Nazrul Hamid,
DeleteI agree. Money is not everything that builds a marriage. So it shouldn't be a huge factor or a deciding factor.
(:
*not just the men
Delete*Women also need
I don't wanna judge, money is important... trust me, after u get married n have kids etc thru tat journey do write again about how u feel about money n hantaran. You won't see it now, slowly you'll learn and see then share the experience so others learn too... if not walk around ask ppl that are married life about, you'll understand better....
DeleteHello Rinz,
DeleteI am sorry if you misinterpret that money is not important. For me, money is important but only after marriage. Not for the wedding. I am not sure how you associate hantaran with life after the wedding because it's just a one time money. I believe that when you're planning to get married, you should know your responsibilities as well as knowing the importance of money to sustain your wife and future family, and not forgetting your parents too.
From what I know, those couple with higher hantaran whose husbands do not earn a lot (not more than 3.5k) start their marriage with a debt. Furthermore, a wedding is not cheap especially when your parents have a long list of invites. So this hantaran then becomes unnecessary just like benda dulang. Why do you need to buy and exchange there and then? Why do you need to show how much you can provide it that one day?
But the more pressing question is who are we trying to show that the husbands to be is mampu to marry and take care of us? Since when is it important to prove to others when our marriage is a sacred thing between just 2 people?
Well, that's my take. After all, before we decide to get married we should know of the responsibilities we need to uphold, including finances.
xo
I agree with nora to a certain extend. Somehow rather i feel that hantaran should be ikhlas for the man to the parents of his woman.
DeleteMy own mother taught me the value to appreciate what others has done for us. Dont take hantaran as burden but as gift to say thank you for bring her up all this years and also, a responsibility of a man, real man, to the parents of his future wife. For me, 10k is nothing. Average salary of a minimum education of ite is $1.6k. youre telling me that a man cannot sacrifice $1k per month? (tapi beli kereta, motor, no prb). All it takes is 10month to save $10k. and if you save a year, you have $2k extra. excluding salary bonus. If a man cannot sacrifice 10 months of salary, what makes you think he can provide for your kids? It's true, money is not a huge factor to build 'marriage relationships' but tell me why 80-90% divorce cases falls under low education and low salary families? Because it is a huge factor in building the walls for your marriage. Unless if the man you're marrying is a cleaner, then lain 'kemampuan' dia. If the man you're marrying is an ustaz, his gift would be agama for not only his wife, but his keturunan. but if he has no money, no agama, what kind of man are you intending to marry?
The irony about orang melayu sekarang, hantaran tk bley kasi, tapi event kawin kat hotel, one market. dulang fuhhh... all branded. kalahkan anak raja. tapi dulang cuma utk si wife aje. so hantaran all tk perlu, mak bapak is wanita tu, tkd makna?
i agree hataran shouldnt be a price but in fact an ikhlas to the woman parents. but if a man cannot save a simple 10k, it shows alot about his character. bila bujang tu la patut dia save.
Dear Muhammad Ruzaini,
DeleteSir, I think you are wrong in all aspects. I have a post coming up called 'The one with the future generation of Mackiks KPO' in it. You might want to read and understand why I said so. I will be using your comment as a reference point too.
Have a good night.
Hi Katt. im not wrong. the title says about makcik kpo, but your content is simply saying about how hard a man trying to save, how the price is high, how your parents doesn't put a price on you like other parents. You only talk about makcik on the first and last paragraph. you had supporting paragraph and about why you said that, but it's all no longer about makcik. it became about how the society perceive marriage and hantaran. and i have to quote, you wrote, 'I have hopes that our Malay society will stop putting a price to everything. Money is not everything in a marriage....' I'm trying to show you a perspective you might be wrong. Yes, i agree, makcik kpo do talk and it does annoy some of us. but what you wrote about how 'marriage should be cheap', your perspective might not be the ideal kind of mindset, we might wanna have. You also wrote that 'It is not how much he can provide in that one day but for the rest of the days of our life together.' but if a man can't provide you for a one day, how can he provide for the rest of your marriage? and that was basically my point. and that is what my comment is about. exactly, its not the makcik, but the writer mindset and how most common malays perceive 'cheap' in their lives. (:
DeleteDear Muhammad Ruzaini,
DeleteThe title is THE KAKAK-KAKAK KAHWIN/TUNANG CLAN PART 3, not Makcik Kpo. That is a different entry altogether, so please don't try to use that to win this debate. So the first half of your comment becomes invalid. *TEET*
Second, there is no part in entry that I said marriage should be cheap. Marriage and wedding is two different things, please get that right. I will never want a cheap marriage but I prefer a cheap wedding.
I am sorry, are you telling me that if your wife down the road asks you for 10k, you will be able to provide her in a jiffy? If not, shame on you because you said 10k is nothing. I am sorry, but I am not superficial. Throwing 10k in my face does NOT prove you can provide me for the rest of my life.
My mindset has been clear from the start, if you bother to read. If you don't then I suggest you do before you comment. And ending it with a (: doesn't make you a smartass too. Just FYI.
*marriage and wedding are two different things
DeleteOmg you have exactly the same mindset as mine ! He only spend less than $200 for my engagement ring and $40 normal fruit cake. I spend less than $200 food cooked by my aunt for 20 pax . And i am still very happy and not embarrassed at all when ppl ask how i did my engagement day . My parents also cuma tnya brape mampu and thats it . Thank God my family and maternal side are sooooo supportive ! Anw nice write up babe !
ReplyDeleteHello Yana!
DeleteYay! I am super glad that we did a small engagement too because the money can be used for something else. People who want to tumpang gembira can always doa yang terbaik for us. Itu cukup.
Syukur Alhamdulilah for understanding family.
Heh. Thank you xo
I totally support you girl! I went through the same thing and was over it and it was a stressfull time. Allhamdullilah her parents was understanding but still i had to follow suite as her elder sister got married at a higher hantaran. Ikut agama islam tidak ada ni semua kecuali adat dari hindu. Thats why the younger gen goes through this. Whatever it is the most important part is after the wedding. Furthermore im javanese and got married into the boyan clan... LoL
ReplyDeleteHello Iskandar Lazzara,
DeleteWoah, that sounds pretty stressful. I hope you're coping fine. In Shaa Allah it will okay. You're correct this is not even compulsory in the first place. Yes, wedding is just one day but the marriage is here and thereafter.
Wish you the best!
(:
And hopefully you will become a parent that doesn't impose such thing on your future kids! LOL!
DeleteU are so trueee..i salute that :)
ReplyDeleteHello Nora,
DeleteThank you. It is always nice to see people sharing the same sentiments as me.
xo
*melting* will u marry me?
ReplyDeleteHello aPai RiO,
DeleteIs that you Baobei?
Hi! Just to enlighten you and some of your readers here: Actually, duit hantaran (or dowry) is not meant for the bride or even for financing the bride's side's wedding. It is actually a gift for the bride's father. It is a way of saying "thank you father-in-law, for bringing up your daughter to be my wife-to-be". A father has invested a huge sum of money for his daughter in the course of her single hood, and surely, if a man were to kahwin his daughter, he has to give the prospective father-in-law a token of appreciation. This is in line of our Malay culture where a woman is married into a man's family (to put it less pleasantly, "given away" but I'm not for that term - too condescending). But of course, you have to always take the guy’s financial into consideration too. A huge amount of dowry simply means the guy can afford. A smaller amount means he is already trying his best.
ReplyDeleteSo to put it simply, duit hantaran is basically a thank-you gift for the bride's father, for giving his daughter into the hands of a better, and more capable young man to take care and protect her, the way her father have always been doing. :)
Hello Oh Hello Pumpkin,
ReplyDeletehttp://app.romm.gov.sg/about_marriage/romm_maskahwin_expenses.asp
What is a Hantaran (Marriage Expenses)?
A Hantaran is a customary gift, usually in cash, given by the groom to his bride's family for the Walimah*. The Hantaran rate must be agreed upon by both parties.
*A Walimah is a feast given after the marriage by the couple, which is a sunnah. Walimah is a celebration of the newly formed family and for announcing that this couple is now husband and wife.
During the celebration, relatives and friends of both the husband and the wife, as well as community members are invited to get acquainted with each other and begin a nice relationship through the marriage.
Oh, I also blogged in dept about Hantaran here: http://mypussykatt.blogspot.sg/2014/04/the-one-where-makciks-dotters-speak-of-h.html
Just thought of sharing this with you. Probably whatever you just shared above is your opinion and practiced by your family.
All the best!
xo
You see, at the end of the day, most of us will succumb to society's wants. At the end of the day the 'face' factor is more important than being practical.
ReplyDeleteAs much as we can be an optimist, a realist on such situations, unfortunately we care too much about how we are being perceived as.
Hello .....
DeleteWhy succumb to society when you can change their prospective by being part of the change? I feel it's because we ikutkan sangat that the society seems it right, which is not.
I believe that if we are the type of people who thinks too much what people say about us is because we said too much about people. So for example, if I am the type of person who doesn't care about other people's wedding/hantaran then naturally I am a type who does not care what they think about mine.
That's my thought anyway (:
Of course we could go to that. Most of our elders are going too much with the culture and not the religion. I could say so much more about that.
DeleteSociety plays a big role in our upbringing but it's also nice to know that they haven't got all of us, yet. Most of us, share the same views as yours, just that unfortunately, we're not bothered to upset our parents.
And i am speaking as 'we' , not 'I'.
Anyways, i for instance, am not a believer of the dowry and a wedding itself.
If we should cut on the dowry, why not cut on having a wedding itself?
Both parties would save a hell lot cutting both. And if we so much want to follow in our Prophet Muhammad S.A.W( peace be upon him) steps, we go as small as possible. Because it isn't the wedding or dowry that we all should be worried about( which most of us are) but instead think about what comes after.
Dont you agree?
Ard Rossali
Hello Ard Rossali,
DeleteMy fiancé and I initially planned to nikah at the masjid then have a dinner reception for the close family and friends, but the cost to bring them somewhere nice to eat is the same cost as a small wedding reception, thus we decided to have the small wedding (300 guests, combined).
After all, it is sunnah to have a small celebration (according to ROMM website) so that the closest can celebrate our happiness with us.
That's why, it comes back to the hantaran debate. We compromise with our parents. We had a hard time explaining to both our parents about our decision on the hantaran and what we are going to use the money for. It took a lot of convincing too. We had to explain that regardless how big or small, people will still talk. So why burden ourselves? I certainly don't want to burden my fiancé with part time work on top of his full time work just to save up for something that is not even wajib. He is also a human being.
Maybe it will be hard to convince our parents because of the era they come from, just like how I had a hard time convincing my future mother-in-law because she's afraid what people will say about her son. But I know her son. My parents know her son. His parents know their son. That's all that matters.
And hopefully the current generation will not be like our parents and only want the best for their children. Instead of unrealistic expectations.
(:
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHopefully when our generation becomes parents-in-laws, we'll all have that same mindset. Scrap the hantaran. I am a mother of 3 boys..so u can imagine how it's gonna be like....although that would only happen abt 20-odd years later. (My boys are 4, 2 & 1 btw..hehe..)
ReplyDeleteBut i have to say my mum never put a price on the hantaran. It was entirely up to my hubby. So whatever he could afford, that was it. I never really bothered anyway..and thankfully no makcik kpo asked me abt the hantaran. Or maybe they were gossiping behind my back...but then again, who cares! I'm already happily married with 3 kids. :D
Hello Rhea,
DeleteYou're right. Hopefully the mindset of our generation changes and no such vicious cycle still exist. That's the plan.
You have 3 boys? So lucky babe! Don't worry too much, I have faith in our Malay community! Hahah, if all else fails, start saving at 16 years old. Or if I have daughters in the future, you find for me lah! Hehe!
It is nice to know that such Malay parents still exist. Syukuran for yourself and your husband. I can only imagine it was a smooth sailing journey. No such thing as start a marriage with a debt.
And if people did talk, so what? Apa yang dorang dapat also I tak tahu. So biarlah. You enjoy your motherhood! Mesti best!
xo
Couldn't agree more Katt. Conventional & conservative ways can ruin beautiful relationships. Sadly, a majority of our elders are inclined to living the society's demands. Worse still, they often confuse culture with religion. In a blog I stumbled upon sometime ago, it mentions that our ancestors were tyrants. Those times when the young have no say. They were forced & instead of teaching their young the ways to carve a path of their own in this life, elders dictated what they were to be which, is in fact what THEY wanted. Though it is said our elders have our best interests at heart, the greatest harm may come from the best of intentions. But that's another story. My stand here has been with the Sunnah ever since I started learning them. I hope the coming generations not disregard religion by practicing tradition. What, is a day's worth of joy(where u slugged day in day out for months or years to finance), compared to the journey that lies ahead....
ReplyDeleteHello Rydawn Canrith,
DeleteThank you for commenting. You're right! People often confuse religion with tradition. When I ask for the rationale, I get "Itu adat." Adat?
Adat is something people come up with to win in an argument of what they want in the wedding. They lose the sight of what comes after. After all, don't you feel your heart wrench that al that money is spend in one day? Yes, (In Shaa Allah) we get married once in our lifetime but i don't think people forget that they need a spend quite a fair bit after the wedding.
(:
Nice blog u have here..:)) I love ur story line. It could wake people up, which is fr good learning. ;) thumbs up !
ReplyDeleteHello Yayah Bello,
DeleteThank you for the sweet comment. I hope people do realise that there's more to just hantaran and it is not a status. But of course there's a lot of people who still view it as a status, then I hope one day they will be part of the change. If not for them, for their kids.
xo
Hi Kat
ReplyDeleteWell I agree to what you wrote. I went thru such difficult time with my past 3 exes, that I decided biar bujang buat sementara ni, cos kalau memang dah jodoh xkan kemana kan, tak kira umur. I'm 41 and my past exes mothers has asked for hantaran of 8k, 10k and the last one lagi best, 12k! Kalah kan CT Nurhaliza, kalau convert ringgit tu dah berapa !
Now bila makcik kaypoh tanya me bila I punya turn lagi, I throw them back this.'Saya anytime boleh nikah Cik, besok pun boleh, asal ada perempuan sanggup bayar hantaran pada saya '.;-) Then the makcik will always say, eh kau ni kenapa pulak dah terbalik. Then my reply always shut them up after .. Kenapa pulak saya x lei mintak hantaran, saya bujang, CPF cukup, kerja alhamdulillah, ada rumah sendiri dan yg bonus lagi saya dah xde orang tua, kan perempuan sekarang takut dgn mertua.So peremepuan yg nikah saya dah considered easy life, nikah aja then trus sehelai sepinggang bawak suitcase trus boleh pindah trus ke rumah saya .. needless to say, menyumpah lah makcik2 kaypoh ni.. hehehehe.. ada aku kisah? :-)
Hello Mr Unknown,
DeleteAwwh, I am sorry about the last 3 exes but whatever man. What I can't stand is when girls agree to their parents or they don't even speak up for their partners. That's sad. So much for being in this through the good and bad, easy and tough. I honestly believe there's someone for everyone. So don't give up hope. From the reactions I have been getting, there's still hope that there are women out there who can compromise on such trivial matter like this.
Haha! Kuddos on the replies! Pedas but much needed.
You're right, any girl is luck to have you. All the best! In Shaa Allah your soulmate is on her way to you ;)
Hi.. im ilham.. this may sound awkward but can we be friends?? Dont worry as this is not a marriage proposal yet. Its just a guy who see an intelligent n matured women n wants to get to know her..
ReplyDeleteHi Ilham,
DeleteI am not sure if you're aware but I am just days away from my wedding. So I will pass on the being friends. I am sure you will find your intelligent and matured women soon.
Katt.
Hahahahahahaha I'm sorry but I think you know why I'm "laughing" about. Ahem ahem! XOXO.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA, awak notti eh. SEE YOU FRIDAY! I am going to kiss you all day err day.
DeleteHaha.. my bad.. have a blissful marriage n till jannah..
DeleteWow my sentiments exactly! 1stly i dont understand why the malay tradition must make it extremely difficult for people to get married. 1stly its the hantaran following market rate kalau tak lose face, 2ndly parents wanting an engagement party which i find completely unnecessary plus all the dulangs some more (konon nye biar kalau org nampak at least tahu da bertunang. Pls eh that doesnt make it any more halal), 3rdly have u heard some ppl, cincin tunang pon nak kene tunjuk receipt?!! I have sooo many qualms abt this malay tradition! Kan lebih baik we skip all these and can save money faster and nikah faster. Isn't that the crux of the whole thing?
ReplyDeleteAnd you know whats the worse part, me and my bf are not even malays (we are indian muslim) -_-
Dear (very frustrated) anonymous,
DeleteFirstly, hello. Thank you for reading this and seeing things from my point of view. Secondly, you must understand that this is a fraction of Melayu yang menyusahkan orang. Sadly, I foresee this fraction to be a huge number. I also remember my future MIL very worried about the receipt of the ring, which I assured her that my family doesn't do these kind of things. Thirdly, YES YES YES! I want to faster get married without the money holding us back.
Maybe you should slow talk to your parents, and explain. For you and your boyfriend, both of you can work out a budget friendly wedding which can work out well for the both of you. Never start your marriage with a big debt!
Good luck!
Assalammualaikum,
ReplyDeleteI loved that your post is a mind-opener. I enjoyed reading through it and couldn't help but to agree with you. :)
Waalaikumsalam! (:
DeleteThank you babe. It is always nice to have people agree with me so that this doesn't continue in the near future. Or at least I wouldn't want my future kids to grow up with such 'adat' and such. Super unnecessary.
xo RR