Makcik-KPO are very toxic and people you cannot avoid. They can be people in your family or people who are somehow related to your family (you know Malays lah). A brief description of Makcik-KPO is that they are typically in their 40s, but nowadays they can be in their 20s too. Okay okay, before I continue let me tell you the TWO prominent symptoms of a Makcik-KPO;
- Their first and only question to a someone's conversation about a person getting married is, "Hantaran dia berapa?" which in translation is "How much is the dowry?"
- They LOVE to compare hantaran among couples.
I love this question when it is asked to my face because my very pedas answer will always be "Why? Are you helping the man pay for it?" Their reaction: Priceless. Ask somemore lah, I like.
Let's bring in religion prospect about hantaran: It is NOT compulsory. I like to emphasize what is necessary and what is not, because people make a big fuss out of something that is not even needed in the first place. What is important is the mas kahwin. Now why don't people ask that?
Okay next, what is the hantaran for? I have heard many versions but let me tell you the most practical and practiced by my family; It is to help with the girl's side of the wedding. Usually the girl's side of the wedding is more grand thus, more people. The money that is given by the boy's side is to help to ease the payments of the wedding. OR in the olden days, girls usually don't work or earn as much, thus lessen the burden. But the girl would have saved money for her side of the wedding (if not why get married right?) so it will be used for honeymoon or put in savings together as a married couple. But now, smart couples do combined wedding to save costs. (Kuddos to smart couples) So when you combined a wedding, then the hantaran is not necessary anymore isn't it?
These days, hantaran has a ‘market price’. I hate it when people use the term ‘market price’ so loosely. For one, your daughter is not an animal/thing you are selling at the market. So please, remove that degrading term away from something beautiful. Two, whose market are we following? Is this Singapore’s market price? Are you honestly telling me if Baobei does not pay the supposedly market price, he is less of a husband?
Yes, I have also taken into consideration that hantaran is also to show that the man is able to provide for his future wife and family. So are you telling me that if the man is able to produce $10,000 on the wedding day, he is able to do so for the rest of his life as and when his wife asks for it? Why can’t we judge if the man is able to take of his future wife and family by the job that he has and his future plans?
For me, it is very easy. You have a stable job, you have a 5 year plan, and a plan to get that 5 year plan working and one day, when we have children and I don’t want to work for awhile, he is able to provide for us comfortably. I pick that over a miserable $10,000 for that one day.
Families take advantage of the fact that their daughter is a undergraduate/diploma holder, thus the hantaran is more expensive. What kind of rubbish is that? Yes, you brought up your daughter with a good education and now she holds a good job, but the one who has to pay for that gratitude is your daughter, not your future son in-law. That’s why we children give our parents money monthly when we start to work (or your children don’t do that? Or you don't give your parents monthly money?).
I don’t have to look far for a good example because my parents are not your typical Malay parents. They have never set a price on their daughters. When my late BIL came over with his parents to ask my sister's hand in marriage, my parents asked "How much can you afford?"
I am not saying that all parents should be like mine. Actually, scratch that. ALL parents should be like mine. When you set a ‘price’ so high, not only are you putting additional pressure to the relationship (as if there is not enough with as the wedding day progresses), you are also making this man work his remaining single life like a slave just so he can marry your daughter. Then when he goes astray or cancels the wedding last minute, you blame him. Has it occurred to you that the unnecessary pressure from YOU may be the underlying reason?
I have heard stories like blank cheques are presented on nikah because they were unable to come up with the money or couples starting their married life with a huge debt because they borrow money from relatives/banks/loan sharks just so they can meet this unrealistic expectation. You are so worried people will talk about the small amount of duit hantaran, you don’t think of the repercussion of the big amount? Aren't you giving more things for people to talk about? That’s just backfiring.
I have hopes that our Malay society will stop putting a price to everything. Money is not everything in a marriage. I may not be married yet, but I know what I want in a man. It is not how much he can provide in that one day but for the rest of the days of our life together. If you as a BTB (bride to be) feel the need to show off that your hantaran is $10, 000 or $15, 000 grow the hell up. Or better yet, don't get married because you certainly have not matured at all.
If you remove the superficial skin of weddings, I am pretty sure you will look forward to a beautiful wedding, and a more beautiful marriage. Let the Makcik-KPO talk, because we cannot shut their mouths. If they cannot be happy, so be it. Who needs such negativity in our life? Certainly not me.
So you are most welcome not to attend my wedding.
///Post note: You may also want to read these babies
The one that it escalated quickly...
The one where it's the aftermath of the TKKTKC
///Post note: You may also want to read these babies
The one that it escalated quickly...
The one where it's the aftermath of the TKKTKC
