Just yesterday before break fast, Baobei suddenly asked me, "Are you scared of giving birth?" I looked at him and said, "Scared or not, I have to go through it right? Why you never ask me this before you put a baby inside ah?" Hahaha, yes believe it or not, Baobei will ask out of this world questions and it never fails to amaze me that I married someone who is the complete opposite of me. I told Mama about our conversation and she keeps reassuring me that this pain is only a couple of hours/ a day's. She then said, "The end product is always worth it. That's why I have you all right?"
I guess no one prepares you to be pregnant or what your body is going to go through for the next 9 months. You can read all the books in the world but guess what? Everyone is different. Up til today, I feel very envious of people who didn't have a hard time in their first trimester unlike me. Which is always the reason I think twice when my parents told us not to wait too long to have a second one. Baobei, on the other hand, told me that we will have twins next so we can close factory after this. Haha, if his mulut masin... double trouble! I said we have no twins running in our family genes so it is unlikely it will happen but he says he will baca the doa he saw on Facebook to get twins! HAHAHA. If we have twins and they are girls, too bad! We will not try for a boy! HAHAHAH. Who knows the "fear" of going through another round of first trimester will go away when BabyRKM comes along? Oh by the way, with twins means double the hormones means double the morning sickness.
And yes, we have finally picked the names for our little girl.
Raja K. M. binte Raja Syahrul Nizam.
So whoever is going to marry our daughter, practice banyak-banyak okay time nikah? It is unfortunate that the Abi has three names and we wanted two names for her, and Raja comes by default. Haha. Well, the name is the only thing kept secret until the baby is out!
We are 23 weeks coming 24 weeks!
Yes, it feels that time is passing very fast once we hit 17 weeks. I have a feeling with my busy schedule, our short trip to KL to celebrate Baobei's 25th birthday and the long weekends and holidays, it will soon be time to wait for me to pop. Anyway, the last 2 weeks I have been putting on weight like crazy!!! Therefore I am showing more obviously that I am pregnant than I did the last 21 weeks! Baobei always laugh at my bellybutton and says my tummy has grown so much bigger! So did Mama. And the thing is, the weight is all on the tummy (and hopefully BabyRKM) and not on my thighs or anywhere else. When I checked my weight at Kakak's, I was 61kg! Hahaha, if it is really accurate, we have put on more than 3kg since the last gynae visit.
Anyway ever since we found out that my placenta is lower than it should, which simply means if it does not go up when it is time for it to do so, we need to have a planned c-section. But after speaking to Aunty Jannah who also took Associate Prof Han as well where she had to do an emergency c-sect, she told me that he was fast (Adam was out within 10 minutes!) and that his cut and stitching were good, and that they healed very nicely, I am sitting on a fence between natural birth or planned c-section. Well, I have been doing my readings and blessings from Baobei to choose what I want. To me, either way, will not make me less of a mother. But, I still have time to decide and hopefully the placement of my placenta will give me a direction of what I should do. I like the idea of pushing but I also like the idea of choosing the date BabyRKM comes out. Will keep uolls posted of my decision after next week's gynae visit!
And you all know I am a big share-r of my pregnancy journey (and everything that is on my mind for that matter) and if that makes you uncomfortable, please don't bother reading me or commenting why I share what I do. Just I thought I give a little disclaimer to annoying people who are hatin' but still reading. It is as if you can't decide if you love or hate me but you know you can't stop thinking about me! :D
Haha, anyway BabyRKM recently did yoga while her Abi is away of course:
This happened when we just turned 22 weeks. I just woke up and was what'sapping Baobei who was at work that we were going to get our day started when suddenly BabyRKM started moving, which is normal, but I think she decided to do some yoga because suddenly one side of my tummy went up, while the other went down. No idea what yoga pose she was doing inside but it freaked me out of course! Haha. Took pictures of her then I rubbed my tummy and said "K, what are you doing inside sayang?" then suddenly everything is back to normal. Silly girl.
BabyRKM never fails to amaze me you know? She may be small and inside of me, safe and sound, but I feel it is as if she's constantly showing me how much she has grown inside! At 23 weeks, it is no longer just kicks and punches from her, but I can actually feel her moving inside of me. Like she's changing position or trying to snuggle with one of my organs hahaha. Even when I am sitting down, I can feel that she's turning to another position. Abi says no kicking, only kick when outside. Then I said, "Yes, kick Abi when you're outside." Then Baobei was, "Don't listen to your Moma."
My latest cravings, almost every day, Teh O Ice Longan.
Loots given by Kak E from babyGap, Mini Melissa shoes (yes! kecik-kecik da pakai Melissa) from Kak E and Kak Ada and baby rompers, socks and bib from Devaki (my neighbour).
This BabyRKM is really spoilt even before she out. The luggage that holds her clothes is full, and that one also Mama very proud to announce that it has yet to include the stuffs she ordered online. And we are planning to go more baby shopping in KL. Hmmmmmm.
Unlike most Mothers to be, I am actually allowing Mama to make most of the decisions for BabyRKM. I mean, we have the last say of what brand to get but I let Mama's decisions to influence me. I don't really mind actually because it is nice to see both my parents happy and be part of this journey as grandparents. Baobei and I are okay as long as it is the best for BabyRKM. All these nitty gritty things are not important to us. But I will share my rollercoaster ride with strollers which we finally bought one at the BabyFair last weekend!
Anyway, I just want to share with uolls about this woman's pregnancy journey. I only knew of her last Saturday when my cousins were sharing about her.
This is Amelia.
She's a yoga enthusiast who does yoga even when she was pregnant.
Find this photo backdated 52 weeks ago and read her story from there onwards:
Her story just tells me that everything can go so well at the beginning, and sometimes horrible things happen to the even the best people in the end. For her, she had a perfectly healthy baby boy who later died because they couldn't figure out why he stopped breathing halfway through labour which caused his heart to stop beating for 15 minutes. When they managed to jump start his heart, it was a lot of time to not have oxygen in your body, particularly the brain. They had to take him off life support and he survived for 17 hours before he took his last breath. In Amelia's journey, you see how they choose to see the beauty of the final hours they had with their son. I admire her strength so much!
I, too, have my worries as a mother to be. My worries are endless. They are sometimes rationale and sometimes doens't make sense. Is BabyRKM growing well inside? Should I have done this instead or ate this instead? Will she be born to be a healthy baby girl? Will I be a good mother? Will I be able to shelter her from the bad things in life? Will I be able to breastfeed her? Will I be able to take her pain away when she's sick, especially when she's too young to tell me where and what is causing her pain? The list just goes on and on, and it is constant. There's never a day where I am not worried about my baby girl. When she doesn't kick/punch/move for 1-2 hours, I will poke and talk to her, just to check that nothing bad has happened.
I may not have gone through what Amelia did, or didn't have to wait for months/years to conceive and cried each time thinking I have failed to become a mother/failed as a woman, or experience miscarriage, or had a stillborn baby. But I do know that we are women and we have our own battles but it doesn't make me a step higher than another woman. We are all in this together. What I may have is something someone else wants, but it is not in God's plan yet for her. I still have a few more months to go before I pop, and yet God's plan for me is still uncertain. I am always positive, thinking the best for BabyRKM but In Shaa Allah, all will be good in the end. I know that I have to believe that whatever happens, always happens for a reason. We may not always agree with the time and not know why we are chosen to face a certain battle, but I do know that we, women, are build strong that even men will not be able to go through half the things we have to. All I want to say is this; I am willing to share my happiness with anyone who is happy for me, be it here through blogging or my social media (there's email and private messages on social media, you can just look for me). And if you envy my happiness, then I will pray that God will give you the same or even more, so that you will forget about mine.
Til the next post that is less messy and less of my personal thoughts and more structured (I didn't want to blog but I wanted to share some things I am currently feeling), please keep BabyRKM and I in your prayers.
Oh, an advance Hari Raya to all my muslim sisters and brothers. May this one be better than before and may we let go of whatever bitterness that we are holding on to so we have more space for positive vibes. I will continue to be blunt about my opinions, but that is me. But if I have said something personally to you that hurt your feelings, I hope you will be able to forgive me. Or I was cranky because I was hungry.
PS: I managed to capture BabyRKM's kicking on video and will be sharing on IG.
Much XOs to all of you.
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