The last kopek.

So we are on our last lap of the pregnancy or better known as the waiting game. I was supposed to blog about how much I will not miss pregnancy but I shall not speak too soon until I am done with my pregnancy. Before you say I should feel lucky to even be pregnant or say things like that I am not thankful of the blessing I have been given, please hold that thought until you read my entry.

Let's do my baby updates.

37 weeks 3 days
Raja K. M.'s head is still down, which means natural labour is still in order. There's no need for a planned elective c-section. My water level is also good which means she is happily swimming inside and there's no need to induce. She can stay in as long as she wants (as long as not overdue). Prof Han says it will be anytime between 7 to 10 days!!! Scary mary. Hehehe. She is about 2.8kg which is a good size. Oh, I am 71.6kg, which was not much of an increase from my last check-up so that's good. I am not sure how I am going to lose all these weight but let's save that for another day.

38 weeks 4 days
Raja K. M. is healthy and doing well. Her head is down but I am not sure if that means she is in engaged position. Water level is still good, so that means there's no need to worry still. We can just continue waiting. Hehehe. It is proven that I have been providing a comfortable home for her with all the good food I have been feeding us. She's super active still which can be painful at times. Prof Han also checked for any dilation (painful like crazy!!! belum lagi give birth haha) and my cervix is still closed! So that means a lot of walking the next few days. He also said that there are 4 conditions that I have to go delivery suite immediately.

1) Waterbag leaking/burst.

2) Bleeding.

3) Contractions every 10 mins apart for an hour.

4) Baby's movement decreased by 50%.

She is currently 3.05kg and probably will be 3.2kg when she pops. Her Abi wants her to be 3.3kg so he has been feeding me! And within a week, I am up to 73.1kg. Prof Han says that he will only induce me if I am overdue by 4 days.

The lady whose appointment before me was told that she has to be induced before her EDD because Prof Han thinks her baby is growing too big for her petite frame and if she waits until she reaches full term, she will have a hard time delivering naturally. I have been doing a lot of reading up and induce is more painful than contractions coming naturally. And those who induce, most likely end up with an emergency c-sect after being in labour for more than 24 hours!!!

Well our next check up will be on Monday morning. Let's see if RKM will be nice to pop before that and save us some money from the check-up. Hahaha. I am hoping for a Halloween baby so that we can have fun halloween themed birthday parties for her until she decides that she is too cool to celebrate her birthday with us. Hahaha!

As we didn't manage to do a maternity shoot, I decided on this instead

After 48 hours when putting on the henna,

(IG: @nd_henna

#nd_henna

nadyadanis@gmail.com)

As usual, my little princess was not behaving herself during the henna session. I was embarrassed because she was not just moving once or twice, but kicking here and there too. Baobei says maybe it was ticklish hahaha. The whole thing took slightly less than 2 hours and as per usual, we had so much to talk about! So happy that I got Nadya to be part of my pregnancy journey after choosing her for my wedding henna. In Shaa Allah, many more projects between us. Her patience and professionalism... amazing. So please do have a look at her portfolio.

A lot of mummies are telling me to enjoy our alone time before RKM pops, so Baobei and I have been going for dates. Not necessarily to buy her stuff but to stuff our face with food (which explains my weight gain!!!). So happy that I am finally free from work commitments and Baobei is clearing his leave to have this time. I am also working on Klothes by Katt during my free time. I have been doing lots of homework and have been talking to my girl cousins as well as my closest friends to get their opinions.

December is my meeting with my co-designer to finalise our first 3 kollections.

This is us at exactly 38 weeks.

I haven't had any false labour or better known as Braxton Hicks. Or maybe I am oblivious. I am super excited to meet my princess but I am seriously scared of this whole labour thing. I am pulling my body apart, I know that. But there are tons of women who go through it every day, so I know that I can do it too. But you know I will share you every excruciating detail of my labour right? Hehe.

Here's my birth plan: 

1) Natural labour, with laughing gas,
2) Epidural will be only be given when asked,
3) Emergency c-section should only be recommended if my or RKM's life is in danger,
4) Baobei will cut the cord when it stops pulsating,
5) After all necessary checks and cleaning RKM up, I would like to have skin on skin touch with her.
6) I am planning to breastfeed her so I would like nurse with experience or lactation consultation to come up to the ward to ensure RKM latches on correctly. Please do not introduce formula milk without Baobei's or my knowledge,
7) For any procedures to be done for RKM like injection etc, either Baobei or my parents are present for the procedure,
8) I will like the hospital to discard my placenta and everything else. Baobei and I have made a decision to not bury it or whatever.

Please keep me and RKM in your du'as darlings.

I will be posting her arrival on my Instagram. Everyone is super excited and keeps texting me if I am in labour yet. Haha. Let's see if I get to post another entry before she pops. I can't wait to blog about the next phase of my life.

Oh, Kakak has started blogging her IVF journey. If you are interested in doing IVF or going through one, you can meet my sister here. Alternatively, you can send some du'a along her way.

I really appreciate for every kind words and encouragement you people have been sending. Thank you!

XOs

When you start the maternity leave.

So it has been 4 days since the start of my maternity leave, and I am loving every single day of it. Pregnant mothers-to-be should be entitled a month of pre-maternity leave where we just get to rest before the big day comes. It is not easy to commute to work when you are carrying at least a 2.5kg baby in your tummy! Don't even get me started on the fact that our centre of gravity has shifted! Haha! And before you single people or people who plan to never have children say that it is not fair that we get paid leave, remember that raising a child is going to cost us a long run so our 4 months paid of leave is justified. And you get your late nights with friends/loved ones, nights of blissful sleep and your future can be pretty much planned out with no "what ifs". Yes, it is a choice for made by both two different groups but honestly for Singapore, government pays for half the maternity leave for your company to hire someone meanwhile. So, if you have to pick up the "slack" is because your company didn't hire a replacement or a competent person. Complain to the company, not the pregnant for choosing the be pregnant! So yay! Vote me for president okay! Haha.

Has been a month since I last blogged? Initially I promised to blog at least once a week (even then I thought it was too little!!!) but I have so many things to handover at work, settling my maternity leave and unpacking in our new house. So far, my plan for maternity leave is perfect. Okay, the perks about being in the gahment is that your entitlement, is your entitlement. Additional perks about working in education sector... the holidays! I am fortunate enough to take a month before my EDD which means October and November will be my first half of my Maternity Leave then I do not have to take in December because well, school is closed. Then I am coming back first two weeks of school to settle my kids down before I go back on Maternity Leave and guess when I am coming back? AFTER MARCH HOLIDAYS! Three days after to be exact. Whoop! I can't wait to spend so much time with RKM.



Here's my latest pregnancy updates:

31 weeks 3 days

My current weight: 69.2kg (!!! I have officially gained 10kg since the whole pregnancy!)
Good news: Placenta looks like it is going up, which means I may not have to do an elective c-section. Alhamdulilah! But it needs to keep on moving uppp before Prof can confirm that I can try 100% for natural labour. RKM's head is also down!!! She is no longer in breech position! No wonder I have been feeling kicks at my ribcage and it is not funny okay! This girl is strong! I actually cringe when she kicked my ribcage twice in the middle of the night!!!
RKM's wieght: 2.2kg (estimated by Prof's hands hahaha but I fully trust him lah!)

33 weeks 3 days

My current weight: 70.9kg (Not bad for a span of 2 weeks! I am actually surprised since I am always hungry. I was afraid I will put on more than that but Alhamdulilah!)
Good news: Placenta is confirmed up! This means I can definitely try for natural birth. This is one of the best news so far because it has been low for about 13 weeks and I seriously had no hopes that it will go up. Almost went against Mak's advise to not do urut but like she said, "Kalau dia nak naik, dia akan naik." So Alhamdulilah. I am also thankful for the mummies who read my blog who told me about their personal experience. YAY US!
RKM's weight: 2.5kg (estimated) but she's in the healthy range to be delivered, if touch wood, she decides to show early up which she hasn't shown any signs *crosses fingers* and I hope she stays inside until week 38 at least!



Apart from check-ups, we have been advised by Prof to book our room already! He says "Standby, looks like 1st of November!" Hehehe, okay lah. 1st like the Moma okay! So after contemplating a thousand times over between class A and B1, we decided to take up B1. The price difference is about 1k, if there's no complications for both Moma and RKM. But 1k is A LOT of money to spend just for Baobei to sleepover. So I made him promise to stay the longest and come the earlier a visitor is allowed. And we will use the 1k for RKM's aqiqah, cukur rambut at the mosque etc. More beneficial we feel. Plus it will give me a chance to be with just RKM only.

You know, each time I dream about the delivery, I can't imagine the feeling I will get when I am carrying her in my arms. Just looking at my huge belly, I can't believe that a tiny human is growing inside of me. Subahan Allah. I can't believe RKM picked us to be her parents.

Just yesterday, I had lunch with Mak and Mama and they were sharing about their labour stories. Even worst for them, they had no such thing as laughing gas or epidural. And they gave birth with no worries. What they say is this which makes me want to go through it, no matter how much it is going to hurt,

"All the pain will go away when you carry the baby. The pain that you have to go through, is over and done with. The pain is not going to be remembered when you carry your baby. It will go away."

Any mummies want to share your labour stories? Hehe.

Hahahah, time dulu dulu tengah dating we had big dreams.

Now look at us!

Maybe one of the things I will miss about the pregnancy (not many) will be the borrowed glow.

My skin is rarely oily and there's hardly any breakouts!

So much different from the first trimester and the first half of second trimester!

I pray this will continue after I deliver! Hehehe.

HEHEHEH!

So much love for the Abi.

I can't believe how lucky I am to have a husband who gives me foot massages, rubs my back and makes my nightly milk for me when he sees I am too comfortable on the bed.

This is us just before we went to the babyfair!

We were 36 weeks!

People who see me will always say I don't look big. Someone ever asked if I was 6 months pregnant while my kid asked if my tummy was getting any bigger! But seriously, if you were to see me without my top, you will be amazed at how large it looks! HAHAHA. Will save that for later okay! *winks*

Now people say "Your perut da turun eh." But they actually don't know that my tummy has been low all the while. Just that now I am bigger, it is more obvious that it is. In Shaa Allah I can hold on the fort until 38 weeks! Then I can slow talk to RKM to come out Halloween ke, 1st/3rd/6th of November ke. BUT at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter. As long as she's safely out whenever she chooses, we will be very happy to receive her with open arms!

At 36 weeks where my tummy is getting smaller for her, she is super active! Sometimes it can be for an hour! Lately it has been at midnight and Baobei will be like "K, let mommy sleep okay. We will play when you come out which is in another 2 weeks. Don't be so playful." You think she listen? Peduli apa. Hahaha. The Abi can sleep some more! Wait til she comes out, I am going to campak her at Baobei! Hahaha!

Moving on from pregnancy updates, I am still straightening out the finer details of Klothes by Katt but the support I have been receiving is SO amazing! I really can't wait to build this empire and what it may potentially be. The most important thing is that I have the blessings of my husband, family and closest friends who keep disturbing me to hire them in the future! Haha! Will keep you updated about that too.

I can't believe my pregnancy journey is coming to an end and my little princess is going to come along very soon. I sometimes wake up, and wonder how our lives are going to change. I know it is going to change drastically and there's nothing to prepare us for it. Looking forward to our sleepless nights together!!! Haha, especially when Baobei is going to start his LONGGG leave soon to be with his little family.

I will try to keep up with my updates because I will definitely want to have something to look back and read. Thank you for being part of our journey and keeping us in your duas.

Raja K. M. we love you sayang. So much more than you can imagine.

/// PS: I have been told that screenshots of the Kakak-Kakak Kahwin/Tunang Part 3 is making its rounds of Facebook again. I am married to the same man I said I was going to, and I still stand by what I say. 

What comes after 30 weeks

TBH, this pregnancy journey was something I was not excited about. It was tough and most times at the beginning, I just wanted to give up. At one point of time, I was asking what kind of mother would I be for having thoughts of terminating this pregnancy just because I couldn't deal with vomiting all day, er day. But it was tough. I was the verge of tearing myself apart. I wanted to be pregnant so badly when we got married but I didn't know the price that came with it. I am pretty sure, it was the same for Baobei. How difficult it must have been for him to want to do something for me but he couldn't. How difficult it must have been for my family, especially Mama who tried to cook all sorts of food for me just because I couldn't keep anything down.

Now at 32 weeks, I get a little more excited to see this little angel whom Allah has chosen for me to be her mother. A mother at the age of 25 years old eh? I am truly blessed because it gives me so much love and happiness to know that she is still in me yet she brings so much happiness to my family. I can't imagine when she's out. I can't speak for Baobei, but I know this is a huge change for him. Having met me, he has become someone completely different. He said he used to be someone who lives day by day but being with me, makes him plan for the future. Little did we know that his future is intertwined with mine. I still can't forget the fact that this man was so nervous about our nikah that he couldn't fall asleep until 4am? Heh. Thank you, Ya Allah. Yes, were only married for 2 months before we got the news that we are pregnant but we didn't get the luxury to enjoy traveling and dating as husband and wife. Our blessings came in a different form.

I don't know what is the point of me writing all of these.

Maybe it is a reminder to me that people will continue to judge without knowing what it means to be in my shoes. It is a reminder to me that people can have such black hearts and if they can't get to me, who knows one day they will try with my daughter? Throw insults what kind of mother I am, the parenting I/we do, the way my daughter looks/behaves, at which milestone my daughter should be at. Guess what? If you have not given any hoots in our lives/during this journey with us, your opinion is invalid. I could not care less if you are 13, 30 or 50. I will take advice with a pinch of salt but at the end of the day, I am the mother. I have the last say. You want to do some parenting? Start with someone who gives a hoot about your opinion.

Totally not sorry for protecting of my daughter even before she is born.

Moving on to happier things like our latest check-up with Associate Prof Han. From 28 weeks to 31 weeks, I gained 1kg+ so he didn't make any noise. Hahaha. I have always been curious how heavy RKM is and Prof Han always use his hands to "measure" my tummy and estimate her weight. This check-up, I was determined to know her weight but he did his usual routine and said, "About 1.8-1.9kg." I was "Can we get it checked in detail?" So he send us to the clinic to get a detailed scan. Wahlau he said only 30+SGD but the bill was 66SGD! Going to claim the extra from him next check-up hahaha! But we are super glad that we went for the detailed scan for check her weight... because

WE GOT TO SEE HER FACE!!!

The sonographer was super nice because she was doing her thing, and we had no idea what she was measuring. Although we did see through the scan RKM's heart beating. Masha Allah, I am still amazed at that okay... Until the end when sonographer said, "This is her face. But she's covering her other eye with her hand." AWWWWWWWWH BABY. YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL. It was an amazing moment for us. I was so happy we decided to do the detailed scanning. It was very thoughtful of the sonographer to print a picture of us. We didn't manage to do 3D scan but this is just as amazing. Thank you RKM for showing us your face. Heh.

This is to benefit people like Kak Ada who couldn't tell what she was looking at. Hahah, must love my cousins who have been supportive of Lil Raj's updates.

Worth the 66SGD we spend lah. Oh, she is 1.833kg. Moral of the story? Trust an associate professor although he is just using his hands to "measure". Hahaha.

Anyway, my placenta is still low laying. Sigh. However, my water level is high which is good. I am not using the correct terms but you get it eh? RKM is still in breech position which means her head is still up and her legs are down. Which is okay because we are still early. Which also means, she is having fun kicking my bladder. Yes, I can pee and come back to bed and then still have to go toilet again to pee. Very playful this girl.

At 32 weeks, she has learnt how to punch/elbow/high-5 me on the sides. I don't mind because I get to feel her when she does that. So far, her Abi, Ehyang (Mama) and Yayi (Baba) got to feel her. I am putting a video on Facebook (public) if you want to have a look at how smart this little one is.

I thought it was scary now that my appointment with Prof Han is no longer every 4 weeks but 3! But guess what? Now the frequency has moved to 2 weeks so we are meeting him next week. So fast! Soon it will be weekly check-ups.

TBH, I am still sitting on the fence not sure if I want to opt for natural birth or planned c-sect. People say a planned c-sect is "an easy way out" but it is not true. Both have their different pain and healing. I strongly believe it does not make one mother better than another. I am pretty sure a mother who went through both can agree. Both are equally challenging. Both are tearing your bodies apart. Some days I am okay with natural labour. Some days I feel like planned c-sect is a better option. But I have no idea what is "better." So I am putting my hands in Him. If my placenta is still low, then I know I am meant to have a planned c-sect. If not, I will go through labour even if it means cutting and stitching my vagina, then I will do it. I never knew the strength mothers have until I am becoming one myself. In Shaa Allah.

Me at 32 weeks.

It doesn't help that I am wearing black but people keep commenting how "small" I look. Actually, if I were to show you my actual tummy when I am standing, you will not say I am small. Just ask Baobei, Mama or Kakak. Hahaha. But whatever it is, I am thankful that the weight is going to my tummy and RKM. Just the backache is a killer.

Wardrobe bought from IKEA and fixed by Baobei.

We rearranged her clothes follow sizes and styles.

Yes, that is a lot of clothes for a tiny human but she has so many excited people who are already pampering her.

Syukur Alhamdulilah.

All ready at Bishan house.

We shall wait when I start my maternity leave at 35 weeks, we will slowly take out the plastic and start preparing her crib. Heh.

Another update, we are moving in to Bishan house this week. It has been tiring but my family has been amazing with the move. Especially my parents. Their kindness, we cannot repay. They go over to the house almost every day to paint, to wash, to move things. May Allah bless my parents with good health. Thank you Mama (because I know you read my blog).

Can't wait for the move. Probably blog about the house soon. And that entry about how much is too much or little to give for Malay weddings.

Please keep RKM and me in your du'as.

To our princess, anything after 4 weeks 4 days is safe for you to come out okay? Meanwhile, grow healthily. We love you so much!!! Bet you already know that.

The fabbret number trimester.

I can't believe this is the last lap of my pregnancy already. I know I absolutely hate it when people say this but I am going to say it anyway, "It feels so fast." I remember thinking that this is taking forever and I don't know how women do it more than once. But another part of me feels like it is fast, especially when I had those horrible pregnancy symptoms go away by the mid of second trimester.

So third trimester eh?

Haha, Kakak who helped me take these photos was like "You brought your milestone card out?!" Uhh yeah, 28 weeks is a big deal leh. And yes, third trimester starts at 28 weeks. And this was taken two weeks ago.

So how is this different from the second trimester you say?

Well, for starters I can still eat like a normal human being although for me mornings had and have always been the hardest battles. Most days RKM wants proper food like meat in the morning, while some days I don't feel like eating anything but I know I have to or else it is going to be hell for me. I still puke sometimes when I brush my teeth which TBH, I have never hated brushing teeth in my life but I dread it during pregnancy. The acid reflux gets bad but Gaviscon is a life saver I tell you!

I still have energy but not as much as compared to second trimester. Some days I surrender by 9 or 10pm. Some days RKM doesn't let me sleep or fall back to sleep after I pee in the middle of the night. Just last Sunday I was awake from 5 am and couldn't fall back asleep after peeing. It was a freaking Sunday and I was supposed to sleep in with Baobei. Haha. So yes, I have started sleepless nights.

My feet are not aching per se but my heels hurt like mad. They have not started swelling yet (and I hope they don't). Maybe because I am still early in my third trimester. But Baobei has been helping me massage every night when he is home without me asking. Usually when we are watching tv in bed, he will randomly pick my foot up and start massaging. Heh.

My back is constantly aching. I can't sit down for more than half an hour with no back support. So yes, RKM is definitely growing bigger.

Speaking of which,

Raja K. M.

Since she has grown taller, she can no longer be captured in one picture. Currently her head is still up and her feet are down, which of course she is having fun kicking my bladder. Initially we wanted to tryout for a 3D scan but KKH doesn't do that anymore. Private hospitals do them but they are super expensive! The cheapest was Parkway East and even they charge $375 for them! Well 3D scan shows the features of the baby so you can more or less see how she looks like even before she is born. But it is okay lah. We shall just let that be special on the day I deliver her.

So our last check-up with Associate Prof Han, I was 28 weeks + 5 days. My check-ups with him has always been every 4 weeks. But this round when he saw me, the first thing he said, "YOU PUT ON 4KG? WHAT DID YOU DO? 4KG!" Hahaha, so throughout the whole check-up, he was surprised that I actually put 4 kg over a span of 4 weeks. Apparently, ideally 0.5kg a week but I double that. Hahaha! Must be the desserts that I have been feeding myself. The weight is going to my tummy and RKM who is, Alhamdulilah, normal sized. Unless baby is exceptionally large then I may have Gestational Diabetes (diabetes during pregnancy but goes away after you give birth for most women). So Alhamdulilah for that. I am so afraid of getting that but that doesn't mean I am safe because I still have quite a fair bit to go. So now I am more cautious about sweet things although I crave for waffles, ice cream and chocolate all the time!

Unfortunately, my placenta is still low which is a bigger concern since I have crossed over to my third trimester. The passage way where RKM is supposed to come out from is blocked. However Associate Prof Han says this will be up for discussion when I reach 36 weeks to plan for an elective c-section. I have asked for both Mak and Mama's advice and agreed to not go for any kind of urut because RKM is inside of me! After all, this is His plans for me so if it meant to go up, it will. But low placenta only means bed rest for me. I can't even go for swimming! And if there's any spotting/bleeding even at 2 am, I have to go straight to the delivery ward because I am at risk of preterm labour (anything before 37 weeks). So I am being extra careful not to overexert myself physically. And no, unfortunately there's nothing I can do or eat to help it go up. In Shaa Allah, both RKM and I will be well protected by Him.

So here's what is scary now that I have reached my third trimester and I know that labour is just around the corner for me. My appointment frequency is now 3 weeks! Which means, the next check-up, I will be 31 weeks already. So anxious!!!

WE HAVE REACHED 30 WEEKS!

Which means we have 7-10 weeks more to go. At 37 weeks, the baby is safe to be delivered already as the last organ which is the lungs has already developed. So sweetpea, anything after 37 weeks you can pop okay? Mama commented that I am carrying her a little low than what it should be so she suspects this baby is going to come out before my EDD. As long as she is healthy to be out, I am cool with that.

"Dear RKM, your Abi has been saying that he can't wait for his playmate to come out. I think we are both nervous at the life changing moment we are about to face in our life together but we are certain that you will be worth that moment. Sometimes I am worried if you're going to be okay once you're outside of me because it means I can't keep you safe inside of me but everyone is so excited to meet you. Ehyang, Yayi, Bonda and Masbro especially. Abi and I may not have our parental instincts kicked in yet but we will have them once we have you, that I know for sure. Your Abi? He is going to love you so much. Even when you're inside, he tells you every night after he baca doa for you that he loves you. Remember his voice? He doesn't always carry newborns because they are tiny but you're going to be an exception. You're his exception because you're his princess. We love you. Continue to grow healthily okay? Til we meet, face to face our Raja K. M."

Loving my borrowed pregnancy glow.

And of course, as RKM gets bigger and my womb is getting smaller for her, I can feel her every movement. This also means she keeps me awake with her little yoga sessions like this morning at 2,

Not sure if you're doing the cobra pose or warrior pose, but seriously baby not in the middle of the night okay? Your Abi gets amused and sometimes scold you because I am insanely tired and you still want to play around. But he didn't mean it okay.

I am excited to go for my early maternity leave which I am left with TWENTY working days (thank you one week school holidays). Then I can fully concentrate on preparing for RKM's arrival which includes packing hospital bag, getting her cot and wardrobe ready, applying for her CDA and baby bonus, getting our ustaz to write her name in jawi and I am pretty sure the list gets longer.

Please keep us in your prayers. Til the next update which will be soon...

And Baby RKM, Moma and Abi will see you next week where you will 31 weeks + 1 day already! Big girl ah you! We shall ask Associate Prof Han how heavy you are! Hahaha. I am pretty lucky because all the weight I am gaining is going to my tummy and some to the face but everywhere is still good, which only means losing them will be easier.

Can't wait for next week too. Getting my hair and nails fixed in JB while Baobei gets his 2 hours thai massage. Something we both are in need of and the dates we have before she comes along.

XO.

The President of the Preggers Club.

That is what Baobei calls me. Ever since I have been blogging my journey as a mother to be, girls who I know on Instagram, have been private messaging me about how they are like me, pregnant a month or so after getting married, but keeping their pregnancy a secret since it is too early to share or they are just not comfortable to let online strangers know unlike me who is shameless about it and not caring that I am (shameless, not the pregnant part) haha. Then we will exchange numbers and start what'sapp-ing. Therefore the given name by my husband hahah kurang asam this one. Once in awhile, he will disturb me by asking me how are my club members and if I am holding meetings. He says soon enough I will be able to start Mommies Club. In Shaa Allah! Any mummies November 2015 onwards? Hehe. Before also boleh! Kirakan the experienced mummies!

Just yesterday before break fast, Baobei suddenly asked me, "Are you scared of giving birth?" I looked at him and said, "Scared or not, I have to go through it right? Why you never ask me this before you put a baby inside ah?" Hahaha, yes believe it or not, Baobei will ask out of this world questions and it never fails to amaze me that I married someone who is the complete opposite of me. I told Mama about our conversation and she keeps reassuring me that this pain is only a couple of hours/ a day's. She then said, "The end product is always worth it. That's why I have you all right?"

I guess no one prepares you to be pregnant or what your body is going to go through for the next 9 months. You can read all the books in the world but guess what? Everyone is different. Up til today, I feel very envious of people who didn't have a hard time in their first trimester unlike me. Which is always the reason I think twice when my parents told us not to wait too long to have a second one. Baobei, on the other hand, told me that we will have twins next so we can close factory after this. Haha, if his mulut masin... double trouble! I said we have no twins running in our family genes so it is unlikely it will happen but he says he will baca the doa he saw on Facebook to get twins! HAHAHA. If we have twins and they are girls, too bad! We will not try for a boy! HAHAHAH. Who knows the "fear" of going through another round of first trimester will go away when BabyRKM comes along? Oh by the way, with twins means double the hormones means double the morning sickness.

And yes, we have finally picked the names for our little girl.

Raja K. M. binte Raja Syahrul Nizam. 

So whoever is going to marry our daughter, practice banyak-banyak okay time nikah? It is unfortunate that the Abi has three names and we wanted two names for her, and Raja comes by default. Haha. Well, the name is the only thing kept secret until the baby is out!

We are 23 weeks coming 24 weeks!

Yes, it feels that time is passing very fast once we hit 17 weeks. I have a feeling with my busy schedule, our short trip to KL to celebrate Baobei's 25th birthday and the long weekends and holidays, it will soon be time to wait for me to pop. Anyway, the last 2 weeks I have been putting on weight like crazy!!! Therefore I am showing more obviously that I am pregnant than I did the last 21 weeks! Baobei always laugh at my bellybutton and says my tummy has grown so much bigger! So did Mama. And the thing is, the weight is all on the tummy (and hopefully BabyRKM) and not on my thighs or anywhere else. When I checked my weight at Kakak's, I was 61kg! Hahaha, if it is really accurate, we have put on more than 3kg since the last gynae visit.

Anyway ever since we found out that my placenta is lower than it should, which simply means if it does not go up when it is time for it to do so, we need to have a planned c-section. But after speaking to Aunty Jannah who also took Associate Prof Han as well where she had to do an emergency c-sect, she told me that he was fast (Adam was out within 10 minutes!) and that his cut and stitching were good, and that they healed very nicely, I am sitting on a fence between natural birth or planned c-section. Well, I have been doing my readings and blessings from Baobei to choose what I want. To me, either way, will not make me less of a mother. But, I still have time to decide and hopefully the placement of my placenta will give me a direction of what I should do. I like the idea of pushing but I also like the idea of choosing the date BabyRKM comes out. Will keep uolls posted of my decision after next week's gynae visit!

And you all know I am a big share-r of my pregnancy journey (and everything that is on my mind for that matter) and if that makes you uncomfortable, please don't bother reading me or commenting why I share what I do. Just I thought I give a little disclaimer to annoying people who are hatin' but still reading. It is as if you can't decide if you love or hate me but you know you can't stop thinking about me! :D

Haha, anyway BabyRKM recently did yoga while her Abi is away of course:

This happened when we just turned 22 weeks. I just woke up and was what'sapping Baobei who was at work that we were going to get our day started when suddenly BabyRKM started moving, which is normal, but I think she decided to do some yoga because suddenly one side of my tummy went up, while the other went down. No idea what yoga pose she was doing inside but it freaked me out of course! Haha. Took pictures of her then I rubbed my tummy and said "K, what are you doing inside sayang?" then suddenly everything is back to normal. Silly girl.

BabyRKM never fails to amaze me you know? She may be small and inside of me, safe and sound, but I feel it is as if she's constantly showing me how much she has grown inside! At 23 weeks, it is no longer just kicks and punches from her, but I can actually feel her moving inside of me. Like she's changing position or trying to snuggle with one of my organs hahaha. Even when I am sitting down, I can feel that she's turning to another position. Abi says no kicking, only kick when outside. Then I said, "Yes, kick Abi when you're outside." Then Baobei was, "Don't listen to your Moma."

My latest cravings, almost every day, Teh O Ice Longan.

Loots given by Kak E from babyGap, Mini Melissa shoes (yes! kecik-kecik da pakai Melissa) from Kak E and Kak Ada and baby rompers, socks and bib from Devaki (my neighbour). 

This BabyRKM is really spoilt even before she out. The luggage that holds her clothes is full, and that one also Mama very proud to announce that it has yet to include the stuffs she ordered online. And we are planning to go more baby shopping in KL. Hmmmmmm.

Unlike most Mothers to be, I am actually allowing Mama to make most of the decisions for BabyRKM. I mean, we have the last say of what brand to get but I let Mama's decisions to influence me. I don't really mind actually because it is nice to see both my parents happy and be part of this journey as grandparents. Baobei and I are okay as long as it is the best for BabyRKM. All these nitty gritty things are not important to us. But I will share my rollercoaster ride with strollers which we finally bought one at the BabyFair last weekend!

Anyway, I just want to share with uolls about this woman's pregnancy journey. I only knew of her last Saturday when my cousins were sharing about her.

This is Amelia.

She's a yoga enthusiast who does yoga even when she was pregnant.

Find this photo backdated 52 weeks ago and read her story from there onwards:

Her story just tells me that everything can go so well at the beginning, and sometimes horrible things happen to the even the best people in the end. For her, she had a perfectly healthy baby boy who later died because they couldn't figure out why he stopped breathing halfway through labour which caused his heart to stop beating for 15 minutes. When they managed to jump start his heart, it was a lot of time to not have oxygen in your body, particularly the brain. They had to take him off life support and he survived for 17 hours before he took his last breath. In Amelia's journey, you see how they choose to see the beauty of the final hours they had with their son. I admire her strength so much!

I, too, have my worries as a mother to be. My worries are endless. They are sometimes rationale and sometimes doens't make sense. Is BabyRKM growing well inside? Should I have done this instead or ate this instead? Will she be born to be a healthy baby girl? Will I be a good mother? Will I be able to shelter her from the bad things in life? Will I be able to breastfeed her? Will I be able to take her pain away when she's sick, especially when she's too young to tell me where and what is causing her pain? The list just goes on and on, and it is constant. There's never a day where I am not worried about my baby girl. When she doesn't kick/punch/move for 1-2 hours, I will poke and talk to her, just to check that nothing bad has happened.

I may not have gone through what Amelia did, or didn't have to wait for months/years to conceive and cried each time thinking I have failed to become a mother/failed as a woman, or experience miscarriage, or had a stillborn baby. But I do know that we are women and we have our own battles but it doesn't make me a step higher than another woman. We are all in this together. What I may have is something someone else wants, but it is not in God's plan yet for her. I still have a few more months to go before I pop, and yet God's plan for me is still uncertain. I am always positive, thinking the best for BabyRKM but In Shaa Allah, all will be good in the end. I know that I have to believe that whatever happens, always happens for a reason. We may not always agree with the time and not know why we are chosen to face a certain battle, but I do know that we, women, are build strong that even men will not be able to go through half the things we have to. All I want to say is this; I am willing to share my happiness with anyone who is happy for me, be it here through blogging or my social media (there's email and private messages on social media, you can just look for me). And if you envy my happiness, then I will pray that God will give you the same or even more, so that you will forget about mine.

Til the next post that is less messy and less of my personal thoughts and more structured (I didn't want to blog but I wanted to share some things I am currently feeling), please keep BabyRKM and I in your prayers.

Oh, an advance Hari Raya to all my muslim sisters and brothers. May this one be better than before and may we let go of whatever bitterness that we are holding on to so we have more space for positive vibes. I will continue to be blunt about my opinions, but that is me. But if I have said something personally to you that hurt your feelings, I hope you will be able to forgive me. Or I was cranky because I was hungry. 

PS: I managed to capture BabyRKM's kicking on video and will be sharing on IG.

Much XOs to all of you. 

5th month mark and we are having a...

I know, I know it is the June holidays and I should have more time to blog but I am starting to feel normal (although some pregnancy symptoms still irk me, but I am thankful for no more morning sickness which I will talk about it in awhile). Therefore I am enjoying what normal has to offer me by going for dates with Baobei and my close friends. Also, we went to Bandung for 5 days 4 nights on the first week of June (will also blog about it in case you need to make a trip there). Oh how time flies, I am left with 2 DAYS of school holidays before my crazy Term 3 commences.

BUT the bright side is despite the busy (and I mean, very) 3 months I am going to have, I am looking at early maternity leave. I am planning to take one month early maternity leave which will start in October then continue til November. Since December is school holidays, I do not have to take any for that month. Go back to work for a week in January to settle my kids down and go back to maternity leave until end of February (or if I am lucky, it can stretch til first week of March). So hoorah! The perks of working in school.

Anyway, we have finally hit our 5th month mark!

20 WEEKS!

I have been carrying little one for 20 weeks already!

(inserts lots of hearts)

To be honest, I was very worried how the little one is doing inside. I keep asking myself, "Is little one growing well inside?" Plus the 5th month scan is a detailed scan where sonographer checks for everything! The heart, kidneys, spine, fingers, toes etc. They even measure the nose bridge because any abnormality indicates something not good with the baby. It is extra worrying for us, although we made a decision at 12 weeks, since we forgo the Down Syndrome test. But we will never know right? Doa and tawakal aje.

So on Wednesday, we went for our detailed scan. Mama tagged along because this was going to be one cool check up, and deep down inside I also knew if I were to learn something not good about little one, I needed my mother around.

Entered the room and there's 2 screens. One for us to look at the sonographer's screen and one is the sonographer's. The lady was nice and explained a little here and there what she was doing. She said, "Today is a photography session. We are going to take a lot of pictures." The night before I was talking to the little one to behave for tomorrow's scan because they needed to be able to see little one clearly for measurements after our storybook session

Because my aunty had to go for a walk and come back because Adam was curling in a position that made it hard to take good pictures for the measurements. Before we went for the check up, I talked to little one again. So during the scan, the sonographer had to push my tummy here and there, then she commented, "You have one sleepy baby." HAHAHA, little one was asleep lah during the scan! So sonographer asked me to cough so that little one will move. Baobei was already laughing at me because I had to fake cough. HAHAHA. I ended up laughing which little one woke up and yawned! Sonographer was, "The mouth so big! Yawning away." Hahah didn't manage to video little one yawning but SubhanAllah, it was truly amazing.

Then sonographer needed to check for little one's backbone and I needed to fake cough again because little one went back to sleep apparently. Aiyo, Daddy's first day off or the little one. So attached and same like the daddy! Geram! Then Baobei tickled my foot so that my laughter will wake little one! HAHAHA. Told him he can work here part time when the sonographer needs the mummies to make their babies move.

Last but not least, sonographer asked, "Have you found out the sex of the baby?" The golden question!!! We were like, "The doctor couldn't confirm it last scan but we are hoping to find out." So I had to lie down on my left so that little one's legs will open up... and then

Hehe, we all had our guesses and apparently the only giveaway was the shape of my tummy... Yup, we are expecting

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"Nabi cakap, untung anak pertama anak perempuan."

(Now I know why little one always act up when Daddy goes to work!)

My gfs are super excited for me. Within 10 minutes of the news that we are carrying a baby girl, Li bought me and the little one matching top knot headbands which she defended her buy by saying "I have been waiting for this moment LOL. To have a reason to buy girly stuff." This is a mother of a baby boy. Then when I was whats'apping Shiqs, she was "I JUST BROWSED FOR YOU BABY'S GIFT." And when I met up with my poly friends, they were itching to buy baby stuff but couldn't wait to find out the gender! Heheh, little one is so loved even before she is born. I love my friends!

Which after the check up, Grandma (Mama) got super excited that we dropped by Mothercare at KKH jugak to get this for little one:

Pink socks! Seluar panjang!

So mentel kan with the prints and lace!!!

We are happy regardless girl or boy to be honest. We are happier to hear that although I only gained 1.2kg from the last check up (which means the last 4 weeks), little one is doing well like she should be. I just need to eat more to help to gain weight but we are both okay. The only thing that Prof Han was mentioning about the results from the detailed scan is my placenta is lower than it should be.

Which simply means (adapted from here):

The placenta develops wherever the egg embeds in the womb (uterus). Placenta praevia happens when it develops low down in the womb and stays low-lying beyond mid-pregnancy.
If your placenta is near your cervix when you’re ready to give birth, it may block your baby’s exit route through your vagina. Placenta praevia can also cause bleeding in mid-pregnancy to late-pregnancy.
If the placenta covers your cervix at the end of your pregnancy, your baby's route through your vagina will be blocked. The placenta may be partly covering your cervix (minor placenta praevia) or completely covering it (major placenta praevia). In both cases your baby will need to be born by caesarean section.

However, chances are the placenta will go up naturally in the next few weeks/months so I do not have to opt for a c-section for now. But at this point of time, I need to be open to options. My gf, Li, said her SIL went for urut to naikkan the placenta but Mama, Mak and Cik Awa (Mama's bestfriend) said the best is to let it be and if have to, just do a planned c-section. To be honest, it is scary to do urut even by professionals with little one inside. Kak E went through an emergency c-section and she recovered well. And no one is less of a mother if she does c-sect or natural birth. All are still worthy of the name; Mother.

The pros about doing a planned c-section are 

1) we get to pick a date 

2) Baobei can be inside the op theater with me 

I asked him yesterday if he will be okay inside the op theater with me but I underestimate my husband. He is excited that he get to feeling2 like the asian scrub nurse in Grey's Anatomy. HAHAHA. Suka hati you Baobei, asalkan you happy and tak pengsan okay!

So anyway, while we were in Bandung, it was impossible not to shop for little one's clothes because tiny clothes are really adorable. Ibu was saying I can get baby girl stuff and give away if little one is a boy but I didn't want to so bought a lot of unisex stuff or more for boy hahaha. Look at our guilty buys:

Yup, a whole luggage of little one's clothes.

There's guitar, soccer ball and even dinosaurs! Hahaha

But our secret buy (chosen by Baobei)

With a little hope that we may be carrying a baby girl.

SO NOW LITTLE ONE CAN WEAR THIS!!!

Oh, I bought these back in Hong Kong 3 years ago with Haiya but never had an opportunity to give anyone because they only had baby boy. So now little one gets to wear these too:

HEHEHEHEHE

Animal preenz!!!

So anyway now that we know that we are carrying a baby girl, I want to clear some "myths"/share some of the annoying pregnancy symptoms I still have:

1) Kakak is always saying, "You are so lazy, maybe you're carrying a baby boy!"

I am not lazy, I am just insanely tired. Although I have more energy than I did in my first trimester (yes, I am able to stay up past 12 midnight), I still get tired easily. 

2) If you're carrying a girl, she will steal your glow. If you're carrying a boy, you will glow.

For me, I have very, very bad breakouts all over my face and neck. New pimples pop out every day and they don't heal properly. I can't take antibiotics to help me manage the breakouts and no matter what I use on my face, it is still the same. The cause? Hormones. When will it end? When I give birth. I will take a picture of my face and you can see how much it pains me that my skin is currently in a bad state. Which is also why I am super lazy to wear make-up because I don't want my skin to get worst and it is sometimes painful. Sigh. So is my little one stealing my glow? I hope so and I want her to have dimples since she and her daddy have the family name (haha nak jugak eh). But I also know people who carry girls and they are glowing just fine. So this is not very accurate.

3) If your tummy is circular, you're carrying a boy. If your tummy is flat and wide, you're carrying a girl. 

For me, my tummy is flat and wide. It was not popping outwards. That's why most people guessed that I am carrying a baby girl. And for most people I know, their tummies do show accurately what gender they are carrying.

4) Food takes very, very long to digest and I get hungry easily and at odd timings.

I can eat Nasi Lemak at 12pm and only burping my Nasi Lemak at 3-4pm. It takes very, very long for me to digest my food which is why I don't eat a big portion during my meals. I get hungry between 4 to 7am which is when the little one starts kicking me. Oh, which also means I have to eat proper food first thing in the morning or I will feel nausea until the next food intake. On the 5th month check-up, I didn't eat anything until 11.30am which was 2 bites of chicken pie. Next thing I know, I see black spots and had to be wheelchair-ed around KKH.

5) I cannot stand for very long. 

If I stand more than 5 minutes, my right ear will be blocked which is an indication that I am going to feel nausea or pass out anytime soon. So, Geylang Bazaar is out of the question for me since I will need to find places to sit after awhile. Not sure how I am going to survive in July's Baby Fair.

6) I only started to show at Week 17

7) At Week 18, I am sure that the movements in my tummy is from little one kicking me and not my food digesting.

The first few days, the movements/kicks were very hard to catch but Baobei managed to feel them. Then Kakak and Mama. Haha. Now the little one kicks me more often or she is getting stronger!!! But most times, it is after I eat or if I have not eaten. Now, I am trying to catch her kick and can be seen from my tummy moving upwards on video!

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Anyway, I will be setting the video of the little snippet of my sonogram that I uploaded on Facebook to public if you want to have a look (it is the same on IG). You can find me at "Renny Rahman".

Now is back to searching for one thing: Baby names.

Initially we had a thought of a boy's name which we can keep for the next one (haha, ada hati nak go through another 12 weeks of morning sickness). But for now, you're still my little one okay? You're still Baby Raja. So please little one, grow well okay like you have been for the last 20 weeks. We shall aim to gain at least 2 to 4 healthy kilograms for the next check-up and hopefully the placenta will go up then.

Oh, although it is fasting month, we can't fast because my tummy will masok angin which will cause me to be nausea and black out but we will try in a few days time! If not, I will bayar balik after little one comes out. No biggie.

You have been such a beautiful blessing, little one.

Yes, I will get my blogging game going strong with our house (which we plan to move in by August) which includes the process of resale flats and the things I/we have planned for our little one, which includes what and why we are buying certain things.

Ramadan Kareem to all Muslim people

and XO.