Have I always thought being love is easy? It is just as hard as being alone/single. Single people don't understand that when you're in love, you are trusting that one person who can break your heart, not to. Being in a relationship is one of the hardest things in the world because it brings out the good and the not so good part in everyone. It tests your loyalty of your love to the person, the trust-your-life with kind of trust and to love unconditionally through sickness, mistakes, downs and ups that life will pull you through.
I have never been cheated on while I was in a relationship, but I have seen the repercussions of cheating. For me, it has always been this huge ego that I will never let another man take me as a fool. So for me, the beginning has always been the hardest.
With Baobei, I have never expected him to stay. I have never expected me to stay. I have been the girl who leaves before she gets left behind, but he changed me. Amazingly throughout 2012, I have come and go but this boy always take me in. I mean, who in the right mind agrees to a trip with a girl and her cousins after going out on 2-3 dates with her only? He did.
For me, the trip didn't work out and we went our separate ways.
01/01/13 came, and we spend the whole wee morning what'sapping. I have seen a side of him that I have not seen. I woke up and realized that I have fallen so deeply in love with him. There was just something about this boy that makes me want to squeeze him so hard because my love for him is so great.
It wasn't an easy first year for the both of us because I am not the easiest person to be with. There must be something that I have to pick on, because partly I find myself waiting for him to leave me. The first time he made me cry was at Woodlands Waterfront. I remember this clearly because I was telling him about the past as I was sitting on his lap, and he hugged me so tight and said in my ear, "I am here now. You are the best in the world nobody can beat, remember that."
I remember writing notes to myself (like a crazy person) in my planner saying that "He loves you, Renny," or "Stop pushing him away." It feels like I am holding on to something so tight but I can't see it yet I know it is as if my life depends so greatly on it. Only after awhile, my faith in him, in us, grew and I know that I have to hold on to the fact that if he loves me so deeply so, he wouldn't bring me to meet his immediate and extended family. And his parents wouldn't bring up about asking my hand in marriage just two months into this.
It is those little things that make us where we are now. The little things that keep my faith in our love. One year later, we are soon-to-be engaged and less than a year from today, married.
What I need to really say that the beginning is always the hardest. But it is hard work, him and I, every single day. It is the faith and trust that what he does is for the best interest of him, I, and us. The mistakes he does, is not intentional and he doesn't know that it hurts me. If I don't hold on to that, I have nothing left to ground me.
This is just random because I can't believe how far we both have come. I still am amazed the love I have for this boy right here. He is the best thing that has happened to me, and I can't wait to have him for the rest of my life here, and thereafter.
In less than one year's time, Mr & Mrs.
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