The President of the Preggers Club.

That is what Baobei calls me. Ever since I have been blogging my journey as a mother to be, girls who I know on Instagram, have been private messaging me about how they are like me, pregnant a month or so after getting married, but keeping their pregnancy a secret since it is too early to share or they are just not comfortable to let online strangers know unlike me who is shameless about it and not caring that I am (shameless, not the pregnant part) haha. Then we will exchange numbers and start what'sapp-ing. Therefore the given name by my husband hahah kurang asam this one. Once in awhile, he will disturb me by asking me how are my club members and if I am holding meetings. He says soon enough I will be able to start Mommies Club. In Shaa Allah! Any mummies November 2015 onwards? Hehe. Before also boleh! Kirakan the experienced mummies!

Just yesterday before break fast, Baobei suddenly asked me, "Are you scared of giving birth?" I looked at him and said, "Scared or not, I have to go through it right? Why you never ask me this before you put a baby inside ah?" Hahaha, yes believe it or not, Baobei will ask out of this world questions and it never fails to amaze me that I married someone who is the complete opposite of me. I told Mama about our conversation and she keeps reassuring me that this pain is only a couple of hours/ a day's. She then said, "The end product is always worth it. That's why I have you all right?"

I guess no one prepares you to be pregnant or what your body is going to go through for the next 9 months. You can read all the books in the world but guess what? Everyone is different. Up til today, I feel very envious of people who didn't have a hard time in their first trimester unlike me. Which is always the reason I think twice when my parents told us not to wait too long to have a second one. Baobei, on the other hand, told me that we will have twins next so we can close factory after this. Haha, if his mulut masin... double trouble! I said we have no twins running in our family genes so it is unlikely it will happen but he says he will baca the doa he saw on Facebook to get twins! HAHAHA. If we have twins and they are girls, too bad! We will not try for a boy! HAHAHAH. Who knows the "fear" of going through another round of first trimester will go away when BabyRKM comes along? Oh by the way, with twins means double the hormones means double the morning sickness.

And yes, we have finally picked the names for our little girl.

Raja K. M. binte Raja Syahrul Nizam. 

So whoever is going to marry our daughter, practice banyak-banyak okay time nikah? It is unfortunate that the Abi has three names and we wanted two names for her, and Raja comes by default. Haha. Well, the name is the only thing kept secret until the baby is out!

We are 23 weeks coming 24 weeks!

Yes, it feels that time is passing very fast once we hit 17 weeks. I have a feeling with my busy schedule, our short trip to KL to celebrate Baobei's 25th birthday and the long weekends and holidays, it will soon be time to wait for me to pop. Anyway, the last 2 weeks I have been putting on weight like crazy!!! Therefore I am showing more obviously that I am pregnant than I did the last 21 weeks! Baobei always laugh at my bellybutton and says my tummy has grown so much bigger! So did Mama. And the thing is, the weight is all on the tummy (and hopefully BabyRKM) and not on my thighs or anywhere else. When I checked my weight at Kakak's, I was 61kg! Hahaha, if it is really accurate, we have put on more than 3kg since the last gynae visit.

Anyway ever since we found out that my placenta is lower than it should, which simply means if it does not go up when it is time for it to do so, we need to have a planned c-section. But after speaking to Aunty Jannah who also took Associate Prof Han as well where she had to do an emergency c-sect, she told me that he was fast (Adam was out within 10 minutes!) and that his cut and stitching were good, and that they healed very nicely, I am sitting on a fence between natural birth or planned c-section. Well, I have been doing my readings and blessings from Baobei to choose what I want. To me, either way, will not make me less of a mother. But, I still have time to decide and hopefully the placement of my placenta will give me a direction of what I should do. I like the idea of pushing but I also like the idea of choosing the date BabyRKM comes out. Will keep uolls posted of my decision after next week's gynae visit!

And you all know I am a big share-r of my pregnancy journey (and everything that is on my mind for that matter) and if that makes you uncomfortable, please don't bother reading me or commenting why I share what I do. Just I thought I give a little disclaimer to annoying people who are hatin' but still reading. It is as if you can't decide if you love or hate me but you know you can't stop thinking about me! :D

Haha, anyway BabyRKM recently did yoga while her Abi is away of course:

This happened when we just turned 22 weeks. I just woke up and was what'sapping Baobei who was at work that we were going to get our day started when suddenly BabyRKM started moving, which is normal, but I think she decided to do some yoga because suddenly one side of my tummy went up, while the other went down. No idea what yoga pose she was doing inside but it freaked me out of course! Haha. Took pictures of her then I rubbed my tummy and said "K, what are you doing inside sayang?" then suddenly everything is back to normal. Silly girl.

BabyRKM never fails to amaze me you know? She may be small and inside of me, safe and sound, but I feel it is as if she's constantly showing me how much she has grown inside! At 23 weeks, it is no longer just kicks and punches from her, but I can actually feel her moving inside of me. Like she's changing position or trying to snuggle with one of my organs hahaha. Even when I am sitting down, I can feel that she's turning to another position. Abi says no kicking, only kick when outside. Then I said, "Yes, kick Abi when you're outside." Then Baobei was, "Don't listen to your Moma."

My latest cravings, almost every day, Teh O Ice Longan.

Loots given by Kak E from babyGap, Mini Melissa shoes (yes! kecik-kecik da pakai Melissa) from Kak E and Kak Ada and baby rompers, socks and bib from Devaki (my neighbour). 

This BabyRKM is really spoilt even before she out. The luggage that holds her clothes is full, and that one also Mama very proud to announce that it has yet to include the stuffs she ordered online. And we are planning to go more baby shopping in KL. Hmmmmmm.

Unlike most Mothers to be, I am actually allowing Mama to make most of the decisions for BabyRKM. I mean, we have the last say of what brand to get but I let Mama's decisions to influence me. I don't really mind actually because it is nice to see both my parents happy and be part of this journey as grandparents. Baobei and I are okay as long as it is the best for BabyRKM. All these nitty gritty things are not important to us. But I will share my rollercoaster ride with strollers which we finally bought one at the BabyFair last weekend!

Anyway, I just want to share with uolls about this woman's pregnancy journey. I only knew of her last Saturday when my cousins were sharing about her.

This is Amelia.

She's a yoga enthusiast who does yoga even when she was pregnant.

Find this photo backdated 52 weeks ago and read her story from there onwards:

Her story just tells me that everything can go so well at the beginning, and sometimes horrible things happen to the even the best people in the end. For her, she had a perfectly healthy baby boy who later died because they couldn't figure out why he stopped breathing halfway through labour which caused his heart to stop beating for 15 minutes. When they managed to jump start his heart, it was a lot of time to not have oxygen in your body, particularly the brain. They had to take him off life support and he survived for 17 hours before he took his last breath. In Amelia's journey, you see how they choose to see the beauty of the final hours they had with their son. I admire her strength so much!

I, too, have my worries as a mother to be. My worries are endless. They are sometimes rationale and sometimes doens't make sense. Is BabyRKM growing well inside? Should I have done this instead or ate this instead? Will she be born to be a healthy baby girl? Will I be a good mother? Will I be able to shelter her from the bad things in life? Will I be able to breastfeed her? Will I be able to take her pain away when she's sick, especially when she's too young to tell me where and what is causing her pain? The list just goes on and on, and it is constant. There's never a day where I am not worried about my baby girl. When she doesn't kick/punch/move for 1-2 hours, I will poke and talk to her, just to check that nothing bad has happened.

I may not have gone through what Amelia did, or didn't have to wait for months/years to conceive and cried each time thinking I have failed to become a mother/failed as a woman, or experience miscarriage, or had a stillborn baby. But I do know that we are women and we have our own battles but it doesn't make me a step higher than another woman. We are all in this together. What I may have is something someone else wants, but it is not in God's plan yet for her. I still have a few more months to go before I pop, and yet God's plan for me is still uncertain. I am always positive, thinking the best for BabyRKM but In Shaa Allah, all will be good in the end. I know that I have to believe that whatever happens, always happens for a reason. We may not always agree with the time and not know why we are chosen to face a certain battle, but I do know that we, women, are build strong that even men will not be able to go through half the things we have to. All I want to say is this; I am willing to share my happiness with anyone who is happy for me, be it here through blogging or my social media (there's email and private messages on social media, you can just look for me). And if you envy my happiness, then I will pray that God will give you the same or even more, so that you will forget about mine.

Til the next post that is less messy and less of my personal thoughts and more structured (I didn't want to blog but I wanted to share some things I am currently feeling), please keep BabyRKM and I in your prayers.

Oh, an advance Hari Raya to all my muslim sisters and brothers. May this one be better than before and may we let go of whatever bitterness that we are holding on to so we have more space for positive vibes. I will continue to be blunt about my opinions, but that is me. But if I have said something personally to you that hurt your feelings, I hope you will be able to forgive me. Or I was cranky because I was hungry. 

PS: I managed to capture BabyRKM's kicking on video and will be sharing on IG.

Much XOs to all of you. 

5th month mark and we are having a...

I know, I know it is the June holidays and I should have more time to blog but I am starting to feel normal (although some pregnancy symptoms still irk me, but I am thankful for no more morning sickness which I will talk about it in awhile). Therefore I am enjoying what normal has to offer me by going for dates with Baobei and my close friends. Also, we went to Bandung for 5 days 4 nights on the first week of June (will also blog about it in case you need to make a trip there). Oh how time flies, I am left with 2 DAYS of school holidays before my crazy Term 3 commences.

BUT the bright side is despite the busy (and I mean, very) 3 months I am going to have, I am looking at early maternity leave. I am planning to take one month early maternity leave which will start in October then continue til November. Since December is school holidays, I do not have to take any for that month. Go back to work for a week in January to settle my kids down and go back to maternity leave until end of February (or if I am lucky, it can stretch til first week of March). So hoorah! The perks of working in school.

Anyway, we have finally hit our 5th month mark!

20 WEEKS!

I have been carrying little one for 20 weeks already!

(inserts lots of hearts)

To be honest, I was very worried how the little one is doing inside. I keep asking myself, "Is little one growing well inside?" Plus the 5th month scan is a detailed scan where sonographer checks for everything! The heart, kidneys, spine, fingers, toes etc. They even measure the nose bridge because any abnormality indicates something not good with the baby. It is extra worrying for us, although we made a decision at 12 weeks, since we forgo the Down Syndrome test. But we will never know right? Doa and tawakal aje.

So on Wednesday, we went for our detailed scan. Mama tagged along because this was going to be one cool check up, and deep down inside I also knew if I were to learn something not good about little one, I needed my mother around.

Entered the room and there's 2 screens. One for us to look at the sonographer's screen and one is the sonographer's. The lady was nice and explained a little here and there what she was doing. She said, "Today is a photography session. We are going to take a lot of pictures." The night before I was talking to the little one to behave for tomorrow's scan because they needed to be able to see little one clearly for measurements after our storybook session

Because my aunty had to go for a walk and come back because Adam was curling in a position that made it hard to take good pictures for the measurements. Before we went for the check up, I talked to little one again. So during the scan, the sonographer had to push my tummy here and there, then she commented, "You have one sleepy baby." HAHAHA, little one was asleep lah during the scan! So sonographer asked me to cough so that little one will move. Baobei was already laughing at me because I had to fake cough. HAHAHA. I ended up laughing which little one woke up and yawned! Sonographer was, "The mouth so big! Yawning away." Hahah didn't manage to video little one yawning but SubhanAllah, it was truly amazing.

Then sonographer needed to check for little one's backbone and I needed to fake cough again because little one went back to sleep apparently. Aiyo, Daddy's first day off or the little one. So attached and same like the daddy! Geram! Then Baobei tickled my foot so that my laughter will wake little one! HAHAHA. Told him he can work here part time when the sonographer needs the mummies to make their babies move.

Last but not least, sonographer asked, "Have you found out the sex of the baby?" The golden question!!! We were like, "The doctor couldn't confirm it last scan but we are hoping to find out." So I had to lie down on my left so that little one's legs will open up... and then

Hehe, we all had our guesses and apparently the only giveaway was the shape of my tummy... Yup, we are expecting

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"Nabi cakap, untung anak pertama anak perempuan."

(Now I know why little one always act up when Daddy goes to work!)

My gfs are super excited for me. Within 10 minutes of the news that we are carrying a baby girl, Li bought me and the little one matching top knot headbands which she defended her buy by saying "I have been waiting for this moment LOL. To have a reason to buy girly stuff." This is a mother of a baby boy. Then when I was whats'apping Shiqs, she was "I JUST BROWSED FOR YOU BABY'S GIFT." And when I met up with my poly friends, they were itching to buy baby stuff but couldn't wait to find out the gender! Heheh, little one is so loved even before she is born. I love my friends!

Which after the check up, Grandma (Mama) got super excited that we dropped by Mothercare at KKH jugak to get this for little one:

Pink socks! Seluar panjang!

So mentel kan with the prints and lace!!!

We are happy regardless girl or boy to be honest. We are happier to hear that although I only gained 1.2kg from the last check up (which means the last 4 weeks), little one is doing well like she should be. I just need to eat more to help to gain weight but we are both okay. The only thing that Prof Han was mentioning about the results from the detailed scan is my placenta is lower than it should be.

Which simply means (adapted from here):

The placenta develops wherever the egg embeds in the womb (uterus). Placenta praevia happens when it develops low down in the womb and stays low-lying beyond mid-pregnancy.
If your placenta is near your cervix when you’re ready to give birth, it may block your baby’s exit route through your vagina. Placenta praevia can also cause bleeding in mid-pregnancy to late-pregnancy.
If the placenta covers your cervix at the end of your pregnancy, your baby's route through your vagina will be blocked. The placenta may be partly covering your cervix (minor placenta praevia) or completely covering it (major placenta praevia). In both cases your baby will need to be born by caesarean section.

However, chances are the placenta will go up naturally in the next few weeks/months so I do not have to opt for a c-section for now. But at this point of time, I need to be open to options. My gf, Li, said her SIL went for urut to naikkan the placenta but Mama, Mak and Cik Awa (Mama's bestfriend) said the best is to let it be and if have to, just do a planned c-section. To be honest, it is scary to do urut even by professionals with little one inside. Kak E went through an emergency c-section and she recovered well. And no one is less of a mother if she does c-sect or natural birth. All are still worthy of the name; Mother.

The pros about doing a planned c-section are 

1) we get to pick a date 

2) Baobei can be inside the op theater with me 

I asked him yesterday if he will be okay inside the op theater with me but I underestimate my husband. He is excited that he get to feeling2 like the asian scrub nurse in Grey's Anatomy. HAHAHA. Suka hati you Baobei, asalkan you happy and tak pengsan okay!

So anyway, while we were in Bandung, it was impossible not to shop for little one's clothes because tiny clothes are really adorable. Ibu was saying I can get baby girl stuff and give away if little one is a boy but I didn't want to so bought a lot of unisex stuff or more for boy hahaha. Look at our guilty buys:

Yup, a whole luggage of little one's clothes.

There's guitar, soccer ball and even dinosaurs! Hahaha

But our secret buy (chosen by Baobei)

With a little hope that we may be carrying a baby girl.

SO NOW LITTLE ONE CAN WEAR THIS!!!

Oh, I bought these back in Hong Kong 3 years ago with Haiya but never had an opportunity to give anyone because they only had baby boy. So now little one gets to wear these too:

HEHEHEHEHE

Animal preenz!!!

So anyway now that we know that we are carrying a baby girl, I want to clear some "myths"/share some of the annoying pregnancy symptoms I still have:

1) Kakak is always saying, "You are so lazy, maybe you're carrying a baby boy!"

I am not lazy, I am just insanely tired. Although I have more energy than I did in my first trimester (yes, I am able to stay up past 12 midnight), I still get tired easily. 

2) If you're carrying a girl, she will steal your glow. If you're carrying a boy, you will glow.

For me, I have very, very bad breakouts all over my face and neck. New pimples pop out every day and they don't heal properly. I can't take antibiotics to help me manage the breakouts and no matter what I use on my face, it is still the same. The cause? Hormones. When will it end? When I give birth. I will take a picture of my face and you can see how much it pains me that my skin is currently in a bad state. Which is also why I am super lazy to wear make-up because I don't want my skin to get worst and it is sometimes painful. Sigh. So is my little one stealing my glow? I hope so and I want her to have dimples since she and her daddy have the family name (haha nak jugak eh). But I also know people who carry girls and they are glowing just fine. So this is not very accurate.

3) If your tummy is circular, you're carrying a boy. If your tummy is flat and wide, you're carrying a girl. 

For me, my tummy is flat and wide. It was not popping outwards. That's why most people guessed that I am carrying a baby girl. And for most people I know, their tummies do show accurately what gender they are carrying.

4) Food takes very, very long to digest and I get hungry easily and at odd timings.

I can eat Nasi Lemak at 12pm and only burping my Nasi Lemak at 3-4pm. It takes very, very long for me to digest my food which is why I don't eat a big portion during my meals. I get hungry between 4 to 7am which is when the little one starts kicking me. Oh, which also means I have to eat proper food first thing in the morning or I will feel nausea until the next food intake. On the 5th month check-up, I didn't eat anything until 11.30am which was 2 bites of chicken pie. Next thing I know, I see black spots and had to be wheelchair-ed around KKH.

5) I cannot stand for very long. 

If I stand more than 5 minutes, my right ear will be blocked which is an indication that I am going to feel nausea or pass out anytime soon. So, Geylang Bazaar is out of the question for me since I will need to find places to sit after awhile. Not sure how I am going to survive in July's Baby Fair.

6) I only started to show at Week 17

7) At Week 18, I am sure that the movements in my tummy is from little one kicking me and not my food digesting.

The first few days, the movements/kicks were very hard to catch but Baobei managed to feel them. Then Kakak and Mama. Haha. Now the little one kicks me more often or she is getting stronger!!! But most times, it is after I eat or if I have not eaten. Now, I am trying to catch her kick and can be seen from my tummy moving upwards on video!

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Anyway, I will be setting the video of the little snippet of my sonogram that I uploaded on Facebook to public if you want to have a look (it is the same on IG). You can find me at "Renny Rahman".

Now is back to searching for one thing: Baby names.

Initially we had a thought of a boy's name which we can keep for the next one (haha, ada hati nak go through another 12 weeks of morning sickness). But for now, you're still my little one okay? You're still Baby Raja. So please little one, grow well okay like you have been for the last 20 weeks. We shall aim to gain at least 2 to 4 healthy kilograms for the next check-up and hopefully the placenta will go up then.

Oh, although it is fasting month, we can't fast because my tummy will masok angin which will cause me to be nausea and black out but we will try in a few days time! If not, I will bayar balik after little one comes out. No biggie.

You have been such a beautiful blessing, little one.

Yes, I will get my blogging game going strong with our house (which we plan to move in by August) which includes the process of resale flats and the things I/we have planned for our little one, which includes what and why we are buying certain things.

Ramadan Kareem to all Muslim people

and XO.

The things I have to give up for our little one.

Few days ago, I posted an old picture of us from two years ago along with this caption. 2015 has been filled with lots of surprises and good vibes, and we are truly blessed for everything that is given to us. We are not "lucky" because these things comes with a price tag but we have been blessed with rezeki that has been given to us. People think we have it easy but they don't see what goes behind "the scene". They think we have money because we have a bike, a family car, a house that will start renovation soon and a little one coming up, but they have no idea how much we are sacrificing to be independent and standing on our two feet. Talk is easy but I am pretty sure these people will have a hard time standing in our shoes. But who cares right about them?

Many people expressed their opinion that we are having our little one too soon. TBH, they are right. We got pregnant a month ++ after our wedding (which it would have been fun to be "bunting pelamin" and have "family" members talk about it) which means we only had one month + of date nights out of the house. But the pregnancy has even made us closer to each other and something for us to look forward to. Yes, we do miss the moments when I wasn't nausea or vomiting or too tired to do cool stuff, but we are looking forward to the end product. Anyway there is no right time to be pregnant and have kids. And I have always planned to close factory before I turn 30.

One of the things I had to give up was what I have been saving for; Klothes by Katt. I have everything planned from my right hand man to my photoshoot to my kind of clothes for K by K to even talking to the man who is going to help me produce my clothing line to having my own office which means quitting my full time job before I work on Kouture by Katt. I planned to the last detail but I have to push it back to 2016 because my priority goes to the little one.

One of the things we had to give up was the whole house renovation. Initially when we bought the house, we wanted to redo the whole house and then move in. I even had several boards on Pinterest on how I would imagine our house would be but alas with the little one coming pretty soon, house is no longer a priority. So we are only repainting the house and redoing the kitchen cabinet. That's it. The rest has to wait after the little one is at least 2 years old, and maybe by then we may even decide to have another one (hahaha, ada hati nak go through another round of first trimester) and the doing-up house has to wait until we close factory. Oh, goodbye baby pink SMEG fridge. 

The other things we had to give up include spending unnecessary things on ourselves. Which just simply means less shopping for us. But we find every single thing we give up, is worth for the end product. We can't wait for November to come quick (or October if the little one decides to pop out earlier). Hell, we can't wait for end of this month for the detailed scan and to find out if I am carrying a boy or a girl.

Oh speaking of scans, here is the little one at 16 weeks:

Such a blessing to be able to carry this little one.

My heart is screaming with so much love!!!

Anyway, on our last visit with Asst Prof Han, we asked him if we are having a girl or boy. He was scanning and moving it here and there to get a better look, and then asked, "You want girl or boy?" And we said, "We have no preference." Then he told us his hunch! HAHAH, but he can't confirm it because our little one is lying down sideways so it was hard to see. But in his words, "High chance it is a ......" (Little one cannot be naughty on the next visit okay! Must be cooperative!)

But marrying Baobei is like marrying a Chinese. Like a Chinese, family name can only be carried down by sons. Baobei is the last man in his family that can carry his family name because his uncles either have no children or no sons. So if we have daughters only, his family name Raja will die with him but if we have at least a son, and when our son have children, they will have Raja in their name. But regardless girl or boy, our children's names will start with Raja. So I jokingly told him that if I am angry with him and the kids, I will shout, "RAJAAAAAA," and everyone has to come out to be punished. Hahahaha. 

Little one can now hear, and recognise voices and apparently is moving which means it is a matter of time before I can feel but the thing is, each time my tummy moves I think my food is digesting and I can't tell the difference! Haha!!! Mama is excited asking me to tell her once I can start feeling the baby move! Baobei also makes an effort to talk to the little one and putting his ear on my tummy to check if the little one is sleeping. HAHAH! Super adorable and so much love!!! Other times Baobei will start rubbing the tummy or he puts his hand on my tummy to feel the little one's heartbeat! 

I got this cream, as recommended by Kak E, for my growing tummy which Baobei puts for me when he is not at work just before sleeping:

Thanks Mama for buying the cream for me :D

Mama and Baba are super excited for the next scan because it means they get to start buying bottles and baby clothes! Right now, they don't know if they should be buying pink or blue milk bottles etc. Mama even bought the mattress and pillow set for the little one when the little one was only 12 weeks old. Super blessed!!!

Me at 15 weeks turning 16, and Baobei, well 2 years already.

HAHAHAHA.

My friends said that my tummy is the same size as theirs after dinner so let me show you this:

This was slightly after turning 16 weeks!

I am naturally a slim build person who does have her "bigger moments" where it ends up on my thighs and ass, but I don't always have a tummy. So having a bulging tummy is something I am not used to and up til now, it takes awhile to get used to. Heh. I once what'sapp Baobei that and his reply was, "I am used to having a tummy." Haha!

Anyway, I still owe tons of entries about haus hunting to the process of buying a resale flat to the things that we bought for the house before I will blog if we are having a girl or boy. Soon you will see 2 pages; one for house and one for the little one for updates like you see for the wedding!

Anyway any guesses?