December 16, 2014

The one where we chose the untraditional...


I think I have mentioned quite a fair bit, how much of an unusual bride-to-be I am and I don't think my future MIL has expected a DIL like me. I mean, I am pretty sure she knew I was different than typical Malay girls but I don't think she expect me to be someone who is not big on grand weddings and hantaran (haha).

So how did we eh?

With The Wedding to be just a few days away, I think I have "the right" (because nanti people sakit hati and say I have not kahwin so got no say. Pls sista!) to give a little insight of how and why we did the things we did, and how it will help the future newly weds to make decisions. Maybe when I am a "pengantin lama", I will have better things to contribute, but remember that I am not the conventional kind of bride.

Weddings are meant to happen once in your life (In Shaa Allah), and yes it is a day we want to remember that for the rest of our lives. It is very important, therefore there is a lot of planning. With that being said, a lot of money is involved in the process of getting married. But remember this: A wedding is a ONE (two for some) day event. People tend to get too caught up in something that happens over a day than the things that will happen when your wedding is over. Things we talked about (and I am very lucky to have Baobei who is in-sync with me):


  1. Size. The more people you invite, the more food you have to cater and the bigger venue to seat/accommodate your guests (especially during lunch/dinner time)
  2. How grand you want your wedding. It can mean many things like kompang ($500-900) /malay dance ($500-800) /live music ($1k and above) /photobooth ($400-800) /dessert booth ($500 onwards) & it can also means the kind of bridal ($1k can get you either 1 or 3 pairs of outfits, depending on who) /caterer* ($10-15/pax) /decor ($1.5k-10k). *My take is always to splurge on food. People will ALWAYS remember good food.
  3. Dulang exchange = $ for the dulang decor ($15/30 per dulang) + $ for gifts (usually more of the high end brands like channel and chanel). IMO redundant. You can buy gifts anytime, darling. + You have to transport the dulangs to a safe place after the nikah. All these barang leceh.

Anyway, whatever I have to say is not really important because I am a bride-to-be of an small, intimate wedding. I don't invite every Malay person I know. I am especially not a fan of splurging all my savings on a day because up til now, I still cringe at the thought that we both have spend almost 10k each for The Wedding. 20k can bring us to Santorini, Bora Bora, Maldives, Brazil, Italy (I heard there are so many awesome beaches) and Africa or it could buy us the 9k mattress that I was lying down at Sealy store (sigh, my back would be eternally grateful to me) & our 2a bike. But I love the fact I don't need a videographer because with a wedding this small, I will remember The Wedding for the rest of my life because we will get time to mingle with our guests.

For savings part, after we have gotten the quotations from our vendors (which we split right smack in the centre) we knew how much money was needed. You take the amount that you need + $2k. Why? This is a wedding, there will bound to have unexpected costs and it is always great to have cash in hand for these kind of emergencies.

Most importantly when it comes to money, always have ALL the money needed to cover all your wedding costs.

NEVER, EVER RELY ON 'DUIT SALAM' (ang bao) TO COVER YOUR WEDDING COST.

If you do that, shame on you. It is as if you're expecting your guests to pay for your wedding (like buying tickets to attend), and that from the start is not right. Your niat (intention) for having a wedding is to have important people celebrate this happy life-changing event in your life, not to help pay for it. You are clearly not financially responsible if you expect people to pay for your own wedding. If you can't afford to pay for the kind of wedding you have envisioned, then don't have it. It is as simple as that. The mistake people make is to expect the duit salam to cover your costs. Don't make it so grand just because you want your wedding to be better than the last BTB's blog that you read. Honey, it doesn't work that way. This is not a competition so snap out of it! I know of people who count their duit salam the night after the event because they need to pay off wedding debts. Don't start marriage with a debt. It will just stir up unhappiness for just a one day thing.

Yes, today is your wedding day and you're the princess. Besok? Masih princess ke? Sorry, you are someone's wife who still owe vendors money. Not very princess-y eh?

I am very proud that Baobei and I have paid all our vendors in full (well, the money is ready just the appointment dates are in late December). So whatever we get from our guests is a bonus, not so much of mengharapkan. Our niat is for our close friends to be there and have good food. Though for me, the hardest was to forgo kompang. I fell in love with void deck wedding with kompang, when Kakak and Arwah Abang Faizal got married back in 2011, and I knew I wanted something like that. But I know I don't have that kind of money to spend.

Another tip to save? Open a separate account with another bank (I love UOB!) and transfer a specific amount of money to that account on the day of your pay day. And keep the ATM card stashed in your house and don't bring it out. We will both keep the accounts even after getting married as our personal savings for our shopping & holidays, while having a joint account is strictly for house + babies.

But if you're asking me how did we decide to get married? It was back in 2011 when I set my mind to settle down by 2015 (and I like odd numbers, though not 5 but I can't wait til 7) because I wanted to have kids at the age where I still have the energy to run after them. So when I was getting to know Baobei in 2012, I told him from the start that I wanted to get married in 2015 and if he wasn't looking for that, he can take his leave because I am not interested to date around. Thankfully, he stayed. Look at us now, getting married in less than 46 days time (oh, you will know when exactly as the date approaches).

See you tomorrow at 12.13pm xo

0 xoxo's:

Post a Comment