December 2, 2014

The one where why 1/2 of Apkim is worth going to...

This is to all who gave me that shrug over my decision to not go for kursus rumah tangga.

Firstly, the drama about the kursus rumah tangga not being compulsory is true. There's no such thing that you cannot nikah if you do not have the cert during your nikah or Tok Kadi will only give you a photocopy of your marriage certificate. Tok Kadi tak ada time to bring photocopier machine wherever he goes ok? This is only compulsory a few years back but they have changed it since. Me thinks the divorce rate is still high even having to attend the kursus. So what is the moral of the story friends? It is not the kursus that makes your marriage work. Wake up! *snap snap* And this was confirmed when I called ROMM to push our interview date because of Baobei's commitment with work, not me hahah and I said we decided to go kursus first before interview, in which she replied, "Awak pergi kursus? That one is not compulsory to go but good that you go."

Secondly, there is only so much a kursus be it one day or two can teach you how to build better marriage. We learnt that in order for a marriage we need 4 things: Transparent, Communication, Give & Take, Trust. Are you telling me that you don't know that already? You need someone to tell you that? If you need a kursus to hint to your man/fiancé, sayang you are not marrying the right person ok.

I hate it when people tell me I 'have to' take it. No, I don't have to.

If you want to be a better wife for your husband, then you can start by being a better muslimah. Full stop. If you know how to take care of yourself, then your husband tak tanggong your dosa am I right? Isn't that being a good wife? And trust me, there are a lot of classes to teach you on how to be a better person. Yes, I am one to talk. But I didn't preach about how a kursus can help me in my marriage.

Thirdly, if you have not started paying for the big bulk of your wedding don't say that $300 is not a lot of money. Especially when you have your parents to pay for you part of your wedding, you shut up! You have no say here. It is a lot of money when you start paying the bigger bulks of your wedding services, so of course I will think twice about paying for someone to tell me how to make my marriage work. Yes, there's is no harm to serve as a reminder or to learn new things,  but I can always choose to attend it after the wedding. I don't have to die die attend it before. Anyway I can learn even after my wedding because my marriage starts after the nikah. IMO, if you're pumped to learn there are classes that go on a weekly basis. So don't be all high an mighty for a one/two day kursus.

Fourthly, I certainly do not need a kursus to hint to my husband that his money is our money and my money is my money. I seriously don't understand some relationships. Yes, by default our husbands are not supposed to use our money but please lah understand sikit ok. Living in Singapore is not easy, financially. What is wrong of helping him out. He is not going to resent you (ego > you) for doing so (but if he does dia bodoh) but he will love you for being so understanding that he is also a human. He also has needs and wants. He also wants to buy things, not work for the rest of his life to pay for you only. Let me be honest here, Baobei and I split all the cost right smack in the middle for the wedding. No one is paying more than the other. My ring is the mas kahwin thus Baobei has to fork out every single cent for it right? His ring is a gift from me to him. Comes back to square one. Hantaran? It is spend ALL on honeymoon. Any excess goes to the combined savings we will open when we are married. Am I going the honeymoon by myself? No. So the money is not just for me, it is for us.

So why did we go anyway? Baobei's parents have been giving in to everything that we want for our wedding including a small number of guests. They only ask us to go for the kursus in return. They are really scared that we won't get to nikah or we get a photocopied version as rumours have it, so to put their mind at ease we went. But if we have it my way, I would not have gone and I will not recommend you not to go. Why? Why are you going for a marriage preparation course? Shouldn't you have known already before deciding to get married?

So long story short.

All ready for Baobei to pick me up.

Our first half of the session was a 1-on-1 session with an ustaz. He is really old though, and really made things very awkward. I think the only part I enjoyed about his session was when he asked Baobei to practice with him for the nikah. Apart from that, I felt this was purely not needed. He spend talking a lot about religion and hari kiamat than marriage which I was expecting a lot since the name.

Second half was a group session with all the couples who came for the kursus on that day. The facilitator, Cik Rani, is really, really good. 3.5 hours felt so fast! We learned about each other's character through the personality test which was kind of expected haha. But mostly, Cik Rani talked about the taboo topic with so little awkwardness. He even linked it with our religion. His advice is to never stop having sex with each other and the occasional plans to spice up the night should be incorporated too. I may have explained it too explicitly, but he did it so well.

So at 6pm, we got this:

So this.

I love my future in-laws because they are the reason why I have Baobei to marry. So a little compromise is no big thing. You may say that I am Miss Know-It-All or whatever, but really who are you kidding? Me or you? I give you time to think about it. Til tomorrow for our 12pm virtual date.

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